Remember Demon Dean and how tasty that arc was, but it only lasted three episodes? This season, it's Castiel and the attack spell, which isn't at all tasty and only lasts three episodes. "Supernatural" has completely run out of ideas, so it recycles the old ones over and over. Sometimes almost word for word. It's become the "Law & Order" of genre shows. Nothing too unsettling, nice and comfortable.
The guys have so much fun at conventions, and no doubt they're making a shitload of money and drinking and saying swear words. Then back to the old grind. It shows.
Rowena turns Castiel into the world's least convincing attack dog; evil baby; the Darkness murmurs at Dean; Crowley makes off with Amara/The Darkness; of course angel torture since there won't be any torture this episode (insert joke here).
Rowena lights a red candle and summons the last of the Grand Coven. She announces that they will be the Mega Coven! *snort* She's so goofily enthusiastic about the name. "Ah'm a forse ah nay-cher!" she announces later. Has anyone else noticed all of her spells are Latin words that sound funny?
"I'm here to provide the only fun in this episode."
"The Bad Seed" was originally a movie in the 1950s, starring Patty McCormack as an angelic child who was actually a murderous maniac. McCormack guest-starred in season 8's "Heartache."
Here's the thing--the best scenes are between Crowley and Amara, but they're stuffed with exposition and foreshadowing. So much foreshadowing that Crowley comes off as a complete moron who can't see that The Darkness is totally uninterested in being evil or bonding with "Uncle Crowley". By the end of the episode she's a testy teenager who demands, "FEED ME
We start in the bunker with Team Free Will. Cas has a blanket around him and occasionally sniffles and grunts to indicate the attack spell. "It's getting worse," Sam mutters, referring to Cas's acting. The effect of standing around being useless for three seasons is that Misha Collins has forgotten how to act. Crazy Dangerous is clearly not in his toolbox.
Not only that, Castiel has a seizure. Nobody should do seizures but Jared Padalecki. He is the champion of seizures.
They exposition that Metatron would know about the Darkness, being the Scribe and all. I perk up. METATRON! I LOVE METATRON! I might even watch an episode with Metatron.
Sam and Dean debate using Cas as a bouncy castle.
Sam ties tracking down accidents involving Cas's "crappy car." Insulted, Cas asks, "You think it's crappy?" "Eye of the beholder," Dean answers. *snort*
"Who are you?"
"I'm you when you learn to tame those unruly curls. And then take over the world."
Crowley tries to bond with Amara. She is so obviously not having it.
Amara: God made a world where people have to suffer and then they die. But frankly, why would they want to live in such a world?
Crowley's all for the world becoming evil, but when she balks, he backs down.
Crowley: Actually, now I come to think of it, if everyone was dark and damned, it wouldn’t be much of a challenge. Watching a human reject the light and embrace depravity, yes, well, that’s where the gratification really is. It never gets old.
Amara: Good, evil, Heaven, Hell, people. It all seems so unimportant. (A/N: Uh-oh!)
Amara looks sad. I'm calling it now: Amara is going to make the world over in her image rather than God's, which for some reason will be a terrible thing. Perhaps lots more of nothing, so the whole world can be "peaceful".
In a repeat of a Season 5 scene when Zacharia bitches with an unknowing human about their crappy bosses, an angel and demon sit in a bar, bitching about their crappy bosses. They talk about the lower ranks banding together and taking charge. Who knows if that will be followed through? Or will it fall into the deep cavern of Dropped Plot Points? Along with the Frankensteins, the escaped Thule, the bottles of souls all over the country--wait, couldn't Crowley find those and let Amara gulp them down? Darkness fast food!
Sam and Dean find Rowena, handcuff her and convince her to remove the spell from Castiel. This is a good thing in so many ways.
WHY DID WE ONLY GET FIVE SECONDS OF THIS?
There's a dungeon scene, more exposition, of course Castiel has broken free, because captives ALWAYS break free on this show. Except Crowley.
Rowena is well aware she's the only entertaining part of this episode and overplays accordingly.
They go on the hunt for Castiel, who's lumbering like Frankenstein's monster, and snarling. Jensen, are you pranking your co-star for our enjoyment? 'Cause it's working.
In which we discover the limits of Misha Collins's acting ability.
I don't know why director Ackles lets his co-star look so ridiculous, even if they were forced to do the 30,000th iteration of the "chasing random chick down an alley" scene. Grunting, wheezing, lumbering, smashing a box for no reason, running after a random girl down an alley...it's pretty damn funny. Random Chick pulls open the door to--what else--an empty warehouse. For some reason Cas can't get the door open and Bangs Menacingly on it. SUSPENSE!
Castiel and Dean relive the smackdown in S5. "Namaste!" Rowena commands. Cas drops to the floor and has a seizure, once again taking over Sam's job. "Conquistador!" she cries and the metal gate closes.
Back at the bunker.
"Let me love you!"
"No, you messed with the pretty. I need to sulk."
"You two are adorable. Seriously."
In Season 4, Zacharia said "God has left the building!" In Season 5, not only is there talk of the Apocalypse not being the first time God has given a "planetary enema" but also Joshua, the tender of the Garden of Eden, tells the Winchesters God feels that the Apocalypse is "not his problem". So why should God give a fuck now? Does God even exist?
Why is Crowley still in a men's room?