"Heaven Can't Wait" was one of the best episodes of what has been, overall, an excellent season. I flat-out loved it. Perhaps because this was by a new writer, Robert Berens. The overall mythology arc was smoothly handled in small amounts and not jammed in arbitrarily ("Slumber Party," anyone?) The A-plot and B-plot wove together nicely, providing crucial moments of growth for several of the characters. It had humor, pacing, drama, and a large dollop of manpain.
I'm probably one of the only viewers who enjoys the episodes where Dean and Sam are separated. It's refreshing to watch how each of them interacts with other characters. The A-plot is Dean and Castiel; the B-plot is Sam and Crowley.
Let's start with the obvious. Dean is being a real asshole. They can't use the word on the show, but it's my review and I calls it as I sees it. Another complaint: Sam has been combing his hair with guck.
Girlfriend is bustin' out the Brylcreem
At a Gas-n-Sip in Idaho, Castiel is earning Best Employee of the Millennium. He's known as "Steve" (no Clarence? MEEGGGG!). We watch him happily make his morning rounds, filling the coffee urns, putting in the cash drawer, and just being too adorable in a dorky blue vest. His boss is a blonde hottie (when she first entered, I groaned inwardly, anticipating sweet, sweet loving that wouldn't end up with Cas killed). She finds his toothbrush, etc. in the supply room, and his sleeping bag in the back. Cas says that he likes to stay late to do inventory. He totes has a home with a bed in it.
Despite this, she asks him if he's free the next night, saying it's so hard to meet a great guy these days, especially since she's a single mom. She tells him to be at her house at 7 the following night and gives him a quick kiss.
Back at the bunker, Kevin has managed to translate the angel tablet into a dead language, so it's time for everybody to hit the books!
After a suicidal guy is blown to smithereens by a guy with a cross earring, Cas calls Dean. Brusquely, Cas tells Dean there's a case. Sam says if there's a case, he should come along, but Dean waves him off with an excuse--who cares what by now. He doesn't dare have Zeke and Cas in the same vicinity. Dean flees the bunker faster than a weasel on crack.
Suicidal guy has coated his abode with a moist hot pink bleeccch.
"I know it's vaporized human, but dang, this would be a great color for my kid's bedroom."
Dean hustles to Rexford, Idaho, and goes straight to the Gas-n-Sip. Where, to no one's surprise, Castiel is none too pleased to see his former BFF.
"Hello, Dean. Fuck off and die."
Dean wastes no time re-establishing his asshole cred by belittling Castiel's job. He assumes it's because of "the girl." But Castiel is proud of how he does his job. "You're better than this," Dean claims. Oh, yeah, a guy with no money, no resume and no fixed address has so many options. Pot, meet kettle. Cas says his work has human dignity, but Dean says, "Wow. So you went from fighting heavenly battles to nuking taquitos." "Nachos, too," Cas adds.
Meanwhile, a teen is wailing into her cell because her boyfriend had the gall to break up with her in real time, instead of Facebook. Heh. She turns, and Earring Boy puts his hand on her and she explodes in a cloud of hot pink liquid. Wow, that sentence came out SO much more porny than I meant. When Dean and Cas arrive, Cas freaks. This is the work of a Rit Zein, the angels that put wounded angels out of their misery on the battlefield. A Rit Zein has never been on Earth, so they have no clue as to the ebb and flow of human emotion. All they feel is the pain. Because Middle America is one big cauldron of despair, this angel will be racking up a triple-digit body count in no time.
Taking a brief break from being an asshole, Dean drives Cas to his date and helps him prep. It's a really sweet scene. Whatever their situation, Dean and Cas have great chemistry. Dean convinces him to ditch the blue vest, and unbutton his shirt. At the door, Cas waves Dean away like an embarrassed teen. Only to find out that the hottie has a date, but not with him. He's been tricked into babysitting. "She never cries," the hottie assures him. As soon as she's out the door, the baby starts yowling.
COULD THIS BE ANY CUTER???
Cas quiets the baby by singing the theme song to "Greatest American Hero," which is a tad anvilicious, but who cares? (Note: the original script called for Cas to sing "Highway To Hell," but there were apparently budget problems. Damn!!) That Misha Collins manages to sing in Castiel's deep, growly voice is a real achievement. When the baby won't stop crying, Cas rocks it back and forth, taking the opportunity to meditate how hard it is to negotiate a big, frightening world.
Back at the bunker, Sam is trying to get Crowley to translate the dead language. The dynamic between Sam and Crowley has changed. Sam is in charge now, and can walk away and shut the doors on Crowley any time he damn well pleases. Crowley fakes being conciliatory, but then throws the balled-up paper in Sam's face. Sam says he's going to hand over Crowley to Abbadon. "She's scarier than you've been in years," he snarks.
Crowley says he'll do it, for one phone call. "Even Dahmer got a phone call," he points out. Sam puts a bowl on the table and prepares to draw blood, but Crowley wants Kevin's blood. Once the blood is boiling, Crowley discovers the hell of voice-mail, hell style. "I've been put on hold," he grumps.
Once he is put through to Abbadon, they have a satisfyingly nasty conversation. She is voiding his contracts, taking souls before their time. While he fumes, she snarls that he is "King of the Bureaucrats." Abbadon intends to tear apart Crowley's orderly Hades. I was reminded of "Season Seven, Time For A Wedding!" when Crowley admonishes a demon, "This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell! We have a little thing
"If I was Hannibal Lecter, you'd be scared out of your panties."
"I go commando, you pussy!"
Crowley translates the "doodles," and it's not good news. Metatron's spell is irreversible. Not that Crowley gives a fuck. While Sam and Kevin are hyperventilating over this latest turn, Crowley palms the syringe that Kevin used.
The baby has a fever. Earring Boy, aka Ephram shows up, presumably drawn by her pain. But no, it's Cas he's there for. He speechifies about how Castiel was once legendary, but has failed at everything. His pain can be heard for miles. Ephram berates Cas for choosing to be human. But before Ephram can blast Cas into a big spray of pink liquid (okay, here comes the fanfic--geez, another double entendre--what is it with this episode?), Dean busts in with an angel blade. The reason is too convoluted to explain. You wanna know, watch the show.
Ephram does the de rigeur move of throwing Dean across the room, but Dean slides the angel blade across the floor to Cas. Who promptly dispatches Ephram, earring and all. It feels peremptory, as if there was a missing scene.
Somehow, Dean and Cas manage to clean up the mess and hide the dead body before the single mom returns. She tells Cas that he's "special" because he cares, or something to that effect. Cas gets into the Impala with Dean.
Bunker: Sam is washing the blood bowl, when he spots something awry with his junkie kit. A syringe is missing. He heads to where Crowley is and peeks around the door. To see Crowley injecting Kevin's blood, then sitting back, sighing with relief. What does this mean? Is Kevin's prophet blood somehow purer than Sam's blood? Is Kevin's blood helping Crowley get back to his demonic self?
The next morning, Cas is still in the Impala with Dean, and a million shippers go nuts on tumblr. Dean compliments Cas on adapting, gives him a half-assed apology for throwing his BFF out, and then lies to Cas about the angel spell. Cas feels he should accompany Dean to help save the angels.
"You're human now, you let me and Sam take care of the angels." That's DeanSpeak for "I don't want you anywhere near my brother, sorry, pal. And I'll conveniently forget that you're Heaven's most wanted. See ya!"
Yes, Dean, we're all done with this crap, too.
Between Dean and Ephram, Castiel's self-esteem has been ground finer than sand, With an air of defeat, he starts his day. He flips on the overhead TV and hears newsmen talking about the "meteor shower." He turns it off. The episode ends with Cas sadly staring at the sky.
“Thanks for ruining my life, Dean. Again."
Zeke didn't show up for this episode, so no drinking game.
Yucky gratuitous angel nudity
Castiel had better strip down again, because it's getting harder to find GAN pics. On the upside, there's always Jared Padalecki.