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Saturday, November 9, 2013
Supernatural Ep. 9x05 Review, "Dog Dean Afternoon" Sex, Dogs and Rock & Roll
After three heavy-duty myth arc episodes (and one stinker), it's off to Crazytown! Written by Eric Charmelo and Nicole Snyder and directed by Tim Andrew, this could have been a disaster. Instead, it's hilarious, with a wealth of great gags. As Eric Charmelo tweeted, "it's full of LOL wackadoo goodness".
Anyone who saw the promos knows the basic premise is that Dean not only mind-melds with a dog, he becomes a dog. Barking at the mailman, playing fetch, scratching himself behind the ears, even getting the hots for a French poodle. This episode highlights how Supernatural can mix gross and funny like no other show. (Sorry, Walking Dead. But you do get to swear and have ten times the yuuuuuccch factor.) Jensen Ackles rarely gets to go all out and show his comedy chops. Especially the past few seasons. Here he plays the hell out of the part, and Jared does well as the straight man.
"THEN" gets the Zeke business out of the way, then a montage of clips from comic episodes from "Yellow Fever" to "Monster Movie" rushes by. Any montage that has Sam saying, "I lost my shoe" has me from the jump.
Don't worry, we can still play the Sam/Zeke drinking game! To recap: every time Sam gets knocked unconscious or hurt and Zeke shows up, take a shot. Every time Sam wakes up all "bzuh?", take a shot. Every time Dean tells an even more convoluted lie, take a shot. Every time Zeke brings someone back from the dead or heals Sam, take a shot.
"Dog Dean Afternoon" opens with a taxidermist combing the fur of a rodent dressed as a "Game Of Thrones" character. Hee. The weirdest one is the Daenerys Targaryen rodent, complete with long white wig and off the shoulder dress. His German Shepard, Colonel, growls and barks at a mysterious stranger, a dude with a cowboy hat and forked tongue, who proceeds to squeeze the taxidermist to death. This is seen through a scrim, and looks bizarrely sexual. The episode is packed with the bizarrely sexual.
Cut to the usual Sam/Dean bullshit about Sam finding a case, Dean saying he's too weak yada yada (don't forget to take that first shot). At the crime scene, they find out that the guy who disposes of the interiors of the animals found the slop box empty. Usually, the guy says, "it's chock full a' guts." *snort*
Sammy is going to sleep with this next to his pillow. Then we get the first real treat of the episode:
THE BOYS IN A GROTTY HOTEL ROOM!!!
With obligatory purposeless room divider, no less Shortly after their arrival, the same Evil Dude In The Cowboy Hat (Steven Valentine) pretends to be from a perfume company (probably one that proclaims nothing was tested on animals). He bribes an animal hospital attendant. Evil Dude goes to the cat section and wrestles all of the cats into a bag. The attendant, hearing the noise, arrives just in time to see Evil Dude gulping down a kitty like a snake. Evil Dude In The Cowboy Hat grows claws and slashes the kid to death. Aw, blood spatter, how I've missed thee.
At the animal shelter, Sam and Dean realize that Colonel the dog was a witness to both murders. Sam calls Kevin for a spell to--well, you know. Kevin is the new Bobby, because D.J. Qualls is too busy with his own series to even warrant a mention. Sam mixes the potion, Dean downs it and says the spell, and soon he and the Colonel are arguing about classic rock. (Colonel is voiced by Al Rodrigo.) The shit would have hit the fan if the dog liked Perry Como It's back to the shelter, but not before Dean discovers pigeon shit on Baby. And a foul-mouthed pigeon ready to blast Baby again. Dean whips out his gun--no one defiles Baby--but Sam pulls him into the car, after a friendly wave to aghast bystanders.
Dean prepares to go all Sons of Anarchy on the bird Outside the animal shelter, Dean's eye is caught by a beautiful French poodle. With a pink leash and collard, and pink ribbons on her ears. As Dean stares at her, first flirtatiously and then seriously turned on, the music in his head goes from romantic to bom-chica-wow-wow. Yes, Dean wants to pork a poodle. Heh.
"Some day, my prince will come..." "He's here, baby. Don't worry, I dig the whole collar and leash thing."
Sam grabs Dean away before things can get even more weirdly sexual. I warned you at the top of this review, didn't I?
In the shelter, the dogs all have cartoon voices (Jared Padalecki tweeted his disappointment). There are some great gags. "Shaking the fence, boss, shaking the fence" from Cool Hand Luke, "I need a Raquel Welch poster and a rock hammer" from Shawshank Redemption. They're getting nowhere, until a Southern accent calls out, "Hey, pretty boy!" at Dean. A flamboyantly gay Yorkshire terrier (voiced by Leslie Jordan of American Horror Story) saw the whole thing. But he's not telling them a thing until the "big one" gives the dog a belly rub.
"Oh, baby, you got magic hands...boom chicka-bow-wow" More weirdly sexual stuff. The Yorkie really gets off by have Sam rub his belly. As would we all. (Did Sam's hands accidentally stray lower? Boy, that Yorkie better be neutered. Have you ever seen a dog boner? *Shudder*) They get the info they need, and put the protesting dog back in his cage. "I'm not above licking feet. Hey, big'un! Come back here!"
Dean can't help it: he releases all of the dogs from their cages. "Bacon bacon bacon!" cries a golden retriever. If you've seen those commercials, you'll get the joke. The Yorkie saw a bag the Evil Dude In The Cowboy Hat carried. It was labeled Avant-Garde Cuisine. Long story short, the boys break into the restaurant. Sam discovers a drawerful of medications. When they are caught by a sous-chef and a waiter, Sam and Dean pretend to be surprise health inspectors and get rid of both of them. What no-one seems to notice is that the waiter is carrying a tray with octopus tentacles and a shark fin!
Sharktopus! Quick, get Eric Roberts on the phone! They find Evil Dude in the Cowboy Hat, aka Chef Leo. He has stage 4 cancer, and has been ingesting animal guts along with a side of Shamanism to give himself strength. He slashes Sam's jugular, but Zeke shows up (shot!) and heals Sam's neck (shot!) then Sam collapses (shot!). When Sam comes to, Chef Leo demands, "What are you?" Sam goes "bzuh?" (SHOT!). Chef Leo knocks him out, and ties Dean up.
Chef Leo is enjoying tying up Dean way too much. "Screw Sharktopus, I'm going to eat your brother!" Chef Leo exclaims. By now my mind is so deep into the gutter I'm wondering exactly what body parts Evil Chef is going to chomp off.
ANYWAY, Chef Leo has the usual villain's exposition dump, Dean frees himself, Chef ingests a wolf heart and grows big funny looking fangs. Dean runs outside and sics an entire pack of dogs on Chef Leo. They tear him to bits. Dean runs back to Sam and shakes him awake. "Don't make me lick your damn face!" Heh.
Later: Colonel is adopted by a couple who run a vegan bakery. They were in the episode earlier, but come on, I've only got so much room. As an honorary dog, Colonel feels that Dean needs to know the big secret about dogs. They're not really man's best friend, they were put here to--ARF ARF! The spell has worn off. Just in time to save Dean from sniffing anyone's butt.
At the end, for the umpteenth time, Sam, who is under a stupidity spell, questions Dean about what happened. Why did Chef Leo ask what Sam was? What happened to all of the blood on Sam's neck? What the hell, dude? Dean's lies are really getting stupid. Rather than saying, "You shittin' me, bitch?" Sam gets in the car, and they drive off. AND we are once again treated to the Dean face of crushing guilt.
Dean is really done with this crap. And now that you are all good and drunk:
Gratuitous angel nudity! Next week, most of the cast is actually going to show up in the bunker! Let joy be unconfined! And now, for our PSA:
The Yorkie was queer-shaming!
The bestiality was disgusting and an insult to animal lovers everywhere!
Dean is bi! How can he get together with a poodle? The writers are destroying my OTP! Besides, the presentation of the poodle was sexist!
Show doesn't care about us! We're only ratings cattle!
Show hates vegans!
Ahhh, that's better.