This Just In! Jensen Ackles's Inner Monologue During An Interview

This silly little piece was inspired by this interview, a promo interview in October, where Jensen keeps bobbing up and down in his chair, chewing gum, and looking distracted.  Quotes from the beginning slightly paraphrased.  The entire interview is posted below.  For those who don't know, this is a genre of fan fiction known as Real Person Fiction.  There is also Real Person Slash...glurk.

Jensen: "Dean is keeping a secret from Sam as he is wont to do."

Jared: "An angel embodies Sam, which is a fun, scary thing to do."

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Jesus, here we go again. Jared's all excited about the “fun” he has playing multiple characters. I have to pretend to be excited about Dean. Dean’s doing bupkes. Yeah, yeah, on an island, nobody to help out—now he’s blabbing on about meeting Death, being ready to die—don’t worry about bro, I’ll be sitting over here. What? Someone’s asking me a question? Me and Cas?

We’re talking about Cas’s journey. Great. We start out with me, and then, boom, Cas. Cas Cas Cas. Back to Ezekiel. I wish this was over. I can’t even fake being interested right now. I'm tired. We've been shooting since 5 this morning.  I wish this was over and I could go back to the set. Dean is keeping a secret from Sam. Again. Dean is fucking up. Again. Dean throws punches. What season was it that I got to go to hell? That was something to get my teeth into.  

There goes Jared again with the multiple characters, the challenge... That Psych sticker is peeling off. Maybe I can peel it the rest of the way off. Nah, too far away.  Bugs me, peeling like that.  I'm hungry.  If my stomach rumbles during this interview, we're fucked and we'll have to do it all over again.

Jared plays angels, Lucifer, Soulless Sam, demon blood Sam, Meg Sam, Broken Brain Sam...is that all the Sams? Dean feels like shit. Always with the feeling like shit. I’ve got crying and feeling like shit and freaking out and loving my brother down cold. Is it so much to ask to writers to give Dean something else to do? I’m a professional actor, goddamnit. Throw me a bone, guys! Man, I miss Purgatory. That was fun to play. And Benny. I miss Ty. But then, yeah, the trials, Sam does the trials, Sam gets sick, and I get trying to talk my brother out of doing yada yada yada. Jared got all the critics creaming themselves about the trials and what a great actor he is...oh, did someone ask me a question?

(Answers question about the set)

I’m acting now, that’s for damn sure. When it this going to be over? Can’t stand doing press. If only y’all knew what I was thinking right now.