Thursday, May 7, 2015

Duck Dynasty: Review, Supernatural 10x21, "Dark Dynasty:

Eugenie Ross-Leming and Brad Buckner continue their soul-destroying run of terribly written episodes with "Dark Dynasty," sloppily directed by Bob Singer.

Jon Stewart no no no

Basic rundown: Sam lies to Dean about book.  Actors with bad Southern accents have dumb conversation laden with "menace" that somehow reminds me of those cheap little cheese n' crackers you get at Gas n' Sips. Cut (literally) to the chase - the Dark Dynasty is the family of--dun dun dun--FRANKENSTEIN!

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Sam feels your pain
Sam feels your pain

Can you believe this cheesy plot
Can you believe this cheesy plot?
If we're German, why do we have these terrible Southern accents?

German family with Southern accent
Because Bob Singer is pussy-whipped

Sam lies to Dean, gulping and twitching and holding up small signs that say, I'M LYING YOU IDIOT COULD I BE MORE OBVIOUS.

Lies have flattened his hair
His lies are so bad they have flattened his hair

While Sam is conveniently in another room, one of the Frankensteins tells Dean the Book of the Damned is indestructable.  Jensen Ackles tries to look like he cares.

Dean stab me in the face
Wow, man, I'm destroyed inside.  Or not.

Aside: every time I hear it, Dean shouting "Charlie has the damned Book of The Damned?" it gets funnier.  And more annoying.  Couldn't they have left the first "damned" out?  Oh, wait, Eugenie Ross-Leeming and Brad Buckner.

Sam has gathered Rowena, Cas and Charlie into the Abandoned Brewery of Doom to crack the code of the code of the code of the Book of the Damned.  Rowena is the only enjoyable part of this, so I'm going to skip the rest.  Might as well tell you now, Charlie ends up dead.  No real reason.  She just ends up dead.  Robbie Thompson sobs in the corner.  But, you know, executive producer's wife.  So there.

One of us has to die and it aint gonna be me
One of us is gonna die, and it ain't gonna me.
They're saving you for the season finale.

Well, shit.

Rowena realizes that she's an older woman and an interesting character, so she's probably next.
Well, shit.

Dont worry about me side plot

Meanwhile, to give Mark Sheppard something to do, Crowley talks to a hamster and learns that his mother had a demon lover  I mean whatever who cares how are you going to shoehorn that into the next two episodes maybe it was that Nazi necromancer that got away two seasons ago the dart thing is funny.

For no other reason than to get killed, Charlie needs to be alone.  Rather than wait until Cas does the obligatory leave-the-room-while-someone-escapes gambit (already done once in this episode) to chain up Rowena elsewhere, Charlie bolts to a motel.  The Frankensteins find her, she uploads a file and presumably sends it to Sam, they break down the door and...

Dude thats just gross
Dean's grossed out.  I'm too busy thinking about how hot Sam looks with wet hair.

Charlie dead
So, that happened, as the kids say.

This plot was like a huge pile of cafe chairs badly stacked up.  Strange metaphor, but I've seen piles of cafe chairs so I know what I'm talking about.

Jensen refuses your reality
Jensen echoes my feelings

Twitter explodes, FEELS all over the place.

Random thoughts:

Those Microsoft Surface product placements are getting out of hand.

The Frankensteins caused the plague?  Seriously?  Seriously?

We need Lucifer to show up and bitch-slap some sense into the family.

And why wouldn't Crowley know about them?  Haven't any of the Stynes shown up in Hell over the last few millenia?

Where does Rowena go to the bathroom?  And what was up with that tiny piles of bones on the table that were never referenced again?

Will Charlie come back as a Frankenstein-type monster?  That would be cool.  Or an evil spirit that Rowena turned her into?  Bueller? Bueller?

Next week: it's the penultimate episode, there's 10,000 badly laid out side-plots, Dean is still too reasonable for anyone to be that concerned about him, and stuff will happen all over the place.

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