The Bad Script: Supernatural Review, Season 11 Episode 3, "The Bad Seed"

When star Jensen Ackles directs an episode, fans go into a frenzy of anticipation.  "Weekend At Bobby's" was one of the best episodes of the sixth season.  However, what's a director to do when he's working with a script written by Eugenie Ross-Leming and Brad Buckner?  The show might as well tied a rock around Ackles's neck and tossed him into the bay.  The episode is well done and there are some nice moments, but you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's anus.

Remember Demon Dean and how tasty that arc was, but it only lasted three episodes?  This season, it's Castiel and the attack spell, which isn't at all tasty and only lasts three episodes.  "Supernatural" has completely run out of ideas, so it recycles the old ones over and over.  Sometimes almost word for word. It's become the "Law & Order" of genre shows.  Nothing too unsettling, nice and comfortable.

The guys have so much fun at conventions, and no doubt they're making a shitload of money and drinking and saying swear words.  Then back to the old grind.  It shows.

THEN: 

Rowena turns Castiel into the world's least convincing attack dog; evil baby; the Darkness murmurs at Dean; Crowley makes off with Amara/The Darkness; of course angel torture since there won't be any torture this episode (insert joke here).

NOW:

Rowena lights a red candle and summons the last of the Grand Coven.  She announces that they will be the Mega Coven!  *snort*  She's so goofily enthusiastic about the name.  "Ah'm a forse ah nay-cher!" she announces later.  Has anyone else noticed all of her spells are Latin words that sound funny?


"I'm here to provide the only fun in this episode."

"The Bad Seed" was originally a movie in the 1950s, starring Patty McCormack as an angelic child who was actually a murderous maniac.  McCormack guest-starred in season 8's "Heartache."






Here's the thing--the best scenes are between Crowley and Amara, but they're stuffed with exposition and foreshadowing.  So much foreshadowing that Crowley comes off as a complete moron who can't see that The Darkness is totally uninterested in being evil or bonding with "Uncle Crowley".  By the end of the episode she's a testy teenager who demands, "FEED ME SEYMOUR".

We start in the bunker with Team Free Will.  Cas has  a blanket around him and occasionally sniffles and grunts to indicate the attack spell.  "It's getting worse," Sam mutters, referring to Cas's acting.  The effect of standing around being useless for three seasons is that Misha Collins has forgotten how to act.  Crazy Dangerous is clearly not in his toolbox.

Not only that, Castiel has a seizure.  Nobody should do seizures but Jared Padalecki.  He is the champion of seizures.

They exposition that  Metatron would know about the Darkness, being the Scribe and all.  I perk up.  METATRON!  I LOVE METATRON!  I might even watch an episode with Metatron.


Sam and Dean debate using Cas as a bouncy castle.

Sam ties tracking down accidents involving Cas's "crappy car."  Insulted, Cas asks, "You think it's crappy?" "Eye of the beholder," Dean answers. *snort*


"Who are you?"

"I'm you when you learn to tame those unruly curls.  And then take over the world."


Crowley tries to bond with Amara.  She is so obviously not having it.

Amara: God made a world where people have to suffer and then they die. But frankly, why would they want to live in such a world?
Crowley's all for the world becoming evil, but when she balks, he backs down.
Crowley: Actually, now I come to think of it, if everyone was dark and damned, it wouldn’t be much of a challenge. Watching a human reject the light and embrace depravity, yes, well, that’s where the gratification really is. It never gets old.
Amara: Good, evil, Heaven, Hell, people. It all seems so unimportant. (A/N: Uh-oh!)

Amara looks sad. I'm calling it now:  Amara is going to make the world over in her image rather than God's, which for some reason will be a terrible thing.  Perhaps lots more of nothing, so the whole world can be "peaceful".

In a repeat of a Season 5 scene when Zacharia bitches with an unknowing human about their crappy bosses, an angel and demon sit in a bar, bitching about their crappy bosses.  They talk about the lower ranks banding together and taking charge.  Who knows if that will be followed through? Or will it fall into the deep cavern of Dropped Plot Points?  Along with the Frankensteins, the escaped Thule, the bottles of souls all over the country--wait, couldn't Crowley find those and let Amara gulp them down?  Darkness fast food!

Sam and Dean find Rowena, handcuff her and convince her to remove the spell from Castiel.  This is a good thing in so many ways.


WHY DID WE ONLY GET FIVE SECONDS OF THIS?

There's a dungeon scene, more exposition, of course Castiel has broken free, because captives ALWAYS break free on this show.  Except Crowley.


Rowena is well aware she's the only entertaining part of this episode and overplays accordingly.

They go on the hunt for Castiel, who's lumbering like Frankenstein's monster, and snarling.  Jensen, are you pranking your co-star for our enjoyment?  'Cause it's working.


In which we discover the limits of Misha Collins's acting ability.

I don't know why director Ackles lets his co-star look so ridiculous, even if they were forced to do the 30,000th iteration of the "chasing random chick down an alley" scene.  Grunting, wheezing, lumbering, smashing a box for no reason, running after a random girl down an alley...it's pretty damn funny.  Random Chick pulls open the door to--what else--an empty warehouse.  For some reason Cas can't get the door open and Bangs Menacingly on it.  SUSPENSE! 

Castiel and Dean relive the smackdown in S5.  "Namaste!" Rowena commands.  Cas drops to the floor and has a seizure, once again taking over Sam's job.  "Conquistador!" she cries and the metal gate closes.

Back at the bunker.


"Let me love you!"

"No, you messed with the pretty.  I need to sulk."

"You two are adorable.  Seriously."

RANDOM

In Season 4, Zacharia said "God has left the building!" In Season 5, not only is there talk of the Apocalypse not being the first time God has given a "planetary enema" but also Joshua, the tender of the Garden of Eden, tells the Winchesters God feels that the Apocalypse is "not his problem".  So why should God give a fuck now?  Does God even exist?

Why is Crowley still in a men's room?

NEXT WEEK

The Impala.

Big Evil Comes In Little Packages: Review, Supernatural S10, Ep7, "Girls, Girls, Girls"

This year, "Supernatural" is preceded by "The Flash," the CW's biggest hit, which has three times the budget of the older show. On my DVR, there is always the last minute or two of the Flash. While not as ludicrously funny as last year's "The Originals," it's getting old listening to the sleek eevvilll dude mutter at some creature or another.

This week's episode had many plot threads intertwining. Some let the audience know the show knows the outstanding questions that have been around for a a long time.  The foremost one being, what happens to the angel's human vessel?  Castiel has been in Jimmy Novak--tee hee, I'm twelve--for six years.  This writer has assumed that Jimmy Novak was killed the first or second time Cas was killed in Season 5.  "Like a bowl of chunky soup," as Chuck Shurley described it.  There's a lot of plot in this episode, so to try to stay with me, okay?

 
It's the Shondells - the white girl version!

"Girls, Girls, Girls", written by the estimable Robert Berens and directed by Robert Singer* is first about demons forcing human females into prostitution, and using them to lure clients into signing over their souls.  Berens is particularly adept at writing female characters.  And there are plenty of them, which is a change of pace.

And the episode asks, how fucked up is Dean right now?  Some fans complain that this season the writers don't seem to know what to do about Sam, but I strongly disagree.  In Season 3, Dean's going to hell drove the season.  Since then:

4. Sam drank demon blood; Dean was tormented about his brother 5. Sam turned into Lucifer; Dean was tormented about his brother 6. Sam came back from Hell without his soul; Dean was tormented about his brother 7. Sam went crazy; Dean was tormented about his brother 8. Sam hit a dog and had the dullest flashbacks imaginable, then went through the Three Trials and nearly died; Dean was tormented about his brother (and a flicker of PTSD from being in Purgatory) 9. Sam got possessed by an angel, then was too pissed at Dean to speak to him through much of the season; Dean was tormented about his brother and, well pretty much everything.

I grant you, there are long stretches during the last two seasons where Sam's usefulness to the story was gone and he got Castiel's job of standing around watching the exposition.  And last year he got knocked out and tied up almost every episode.  Huh? Jared Padalecki is so big that if he stood up straight in front of an opponent they'd back away, saying, "Sorry, dude, uh, I gotta--gotta--byee!"  But the guy's got a glass jaw, as they say. One punch to the chin and down he goes.

So why not have Sam being tormented about his brother?  It's a nice change.  Besides, Sam is fun, giving Dean shit as only a little brother can.

THEN:  A series of scenes throughout the series about witches and how their magic involves too many body fluids.  Tiny Crazed Marine!  Angel stuff.

NOW: A young blonde hooker is running down an alley from someone.  Her boot heel snaps off, she grabs it and keeps running.  DUN!!!  Her pimp stands before her, grinning.

 
This is actually Genevieve Padalecki in a blonde wig...don't tell anybody.

She stabs him in the eye with her boot heel.  You go, girl!!  It doesn't phase him.  He snaps her neck.  'Doh!

Sam and Dean sit in a steakhouse.  To my astonishment, Sam has a big ole steak in front of him.  Did he already eat the salad?  Is this out of character?  I'M STARTING A META!  Whoops.  Sorry.

Dean's phone is pinging away.  “Dude, you are blowing up. Who is that?”  Dean attempts to dodge the question, claiming it's “monster stuff.” Sam grabs Dean’s phone and discovers that his brother has a dating app.  There's a picture of Dean, with his real name and location.  Dean, what is wrong with you?  Don't you know that anyone can come in the bunker by now?

 
"Impala 1967..."  Thanks, Jared, I just came.

“There’s like a million messages here,” Sam says, from a woman named Shaylene.  The problems I had with this and the following scene are 1) since when has Dean had to drive any distance for nookie? 2) he's done it with plenty of hookers, and so has Sam.  Thank God you suddenly developed standards in time for the plot device, Bowlegs.  It's a fun, brotherly scene.

Meanwhile, Castiel and Hannah are holed up in the motel room.  They exposit that most of the rogue angels have been rounded up, which begs the question, now what is Cas going to do with himself?  Meanwhile, Hannah strips down and announces she's going to take a shower.



Sorry, gang, this is only gratuitous angel nudity I have to offer this go-round.


"Castiel, are you displeased that I am not Dean?"

Dean is about to do the beast with two backs with Shaylene.  But she's a prostitute.  For payment, she wants Dean's soul.  Not again, Dean groans inside.  When her pimp shows up with the paperwork, the Winchesters are waiting.  "Winchesters," he drawls.  Can they keep a straight face at the table read when an actor says this any more?  Shaylene stabs him.  Dead Pimp worked for Raul's Girls, a whorehouse.  It's forced prostitution, hookers working for souls.  Why don't they use demon hookers?  I don't know.  And where's the demon blade?  There must be a warehouse full of angel blades somewhere.

Raul, sporting a nifty eyepatch, is issuing a command to his minion to beat the shit out of a recalcitrant prostitute (like we need more proof he's scum?).  The door opens, and a small redheaded woman with Morticia Addams eye makeup, in a long black dress enters. "Is this Raul's Gels?" she asks in a thick Scottish accent...hmmmm...

 
I knew there was something fishy about that lead singer...

She's Rowena, a powerful witch who looks to be this season's Big Bad.  Damn.  I had so hoped Dean would be the Big Bad.  Maybe he can be the Medium Bad?  She's awfully tiny to be a big bad.  But wow, she's fierce.  She tosses Raul a hex bag, and he barfs up more crude oil than the Alaska pipeline. His fellow demon smokes out and the host body drops dead.  Answering the what-happens-to-the-demon-possessed side, perhaps?  She leaves with the remaining hookers, and the trio go to dinner at a fancy restaurant.  When the waiter gets snotty, she puts a spell on him.  Instantly, it's a 10-course tasting meal, on the house.  Scottish actress Ruth Connell's performance verges on drag queen.  An extremely dangerous wee drag queen.  Rowena's a flirty sociopath.

She is recruiting for a new coven.  The other two women are eager to join, even when Rowena kills the waiter for what seems to be no reason.

We might have our new Magnus!

Once Hannah is dressed, she starts to check out of the motel but is stopped by her vessel's husband, who addresses her as "Caroline."    She babbles out a lie that she left him for Cas, then gives Cas a big, wet kiss that leaves Cas shaken (and probably with a boner) and her husband devastated.  The angels split.

Sam finds the hex bag and spell on a web page that says "Bind and Purge."  There are a lot of illustrations, which makes it a little odd when Sam says only the witch who created it--Rowena--knows the spell.  It's right in front you, isn't it?

Meanwhile, a big biker demon is tied to a chair in a devil's trap, being doused with holy water by--TINY CRAZED MARINE!  Who, if anything, looks another decade older than he did in his last appearance.  Stress will do that to you.  I'm still wondering if he killed that librarian from "Reichenbach".  Collateral damage and all that.  Not much happens, but we know Tiny Crazed Marine is here and shit will get real.  Only it kinda doesn't.

Caroline, Hannah's vessel, is still in there.  When she saw her husband, she screamed at Hannah that she wanted her life back.  Hannah agrees with the original mission, that humans come first.  To that end, she leaves, and Caroline wakes up in Castiel's arms. "Castiel?" she says.  It must be noted that Hannah is a tiny little angel.  None of the huge roaring and white light that's accompanied all other angel comings and goings.  But it's a lovely image.  (How's Cas's borrowed grace going?  When are we going to see Metatron again?)

 
"It's going to be such a relief not to have a clitoris any more."

After she leaves, Castiel gets back in the pimpmobile.  He takes out his laptop and looks up Jimmy Novak. There are several pictures of different Jimmys (including one of JN as "Employee of the Year") and a picture of Jimmy with MISSING under it.  "Where's the porn?" Castiel wonders.

Rowena and her coven-ettes are lounging at a hotel when two demons show up to drag them to Crowley.  Who, in an earlier scene, is aggravated that Raul and Demon #2 opened a brother to collect souls.

Demon #2:  "Raul said, your decree last month, soul deals way down after the war with Abaddon?  He said that you were looking at proactive and out of the box strategies to get numbers back up."
Crowley: "So you and your half-wit pal threw me into the sex trade? I'm evil.  That's just tacky."  Hee.

Demons come to drag Rowena and her coven-ettes to hell, but the Winchesters show up.  Rowena puts a spell on the blonde woman that turns her into a human attack dog.  Dean runs after Rowena while Sam locks Pit Bull Blonde in a closet.  Dean catches up to Rowena and puts the gun to her head, while the other coven-ette runs away--

"Put the gun down, Deano."  It's Tiny Crazed Marine.  That line alone made me want him to die.  Dean puts down the gun, the witch scrambles out of there.

First, Dean tries to make nice with Cole, saying he's not a demon any more.  And that Cole's dad was a monster.  Doesn't work.  Dean and TCM go at it.  Honestly, Travis Aaron Wade looks ridiculous in a fighting crouch, in part because then he barely clears Jensen Ackle's belt buckle.  Lots of punching and kicking guns out of the way.  For me, the best part was this:



Tiny Crazed Marine is bested.  But Dean is the better (?) man. He hands Cole his own gun, and proceeds to give a speech.  Cole's father was a monster, which ate human livers.  Dean has never seen such a monster before or since.  That sounds incredibly lame.  I was hoping Tiny Crazed Marine would yell, "My father HATED liver," take a shot, miss, and then get knocked out.  But no, he stares at Dean with big, teary eyes, with "I wuvved dead Da-Da" as Dean goes on about how he went into the darkness and was brought back by "people who loved me." But "I'm past saving," he goes on.  Sam gives Tiny Crazed Marine--Crazed No Longer--a pep talk about family.  Staring at Dean, he says, "You family needs you. Whole."  OUCH!  Fucking anvil.  Cole gets into his Hummer and drives off.

What?  A guy spends his entire life on a quest for vengeance and gives it up because of a teary smear of self-pity and a pep talk?  WHAT?  Farewell, Tiny Crazed Marine, we barely knew ye.  He's going home to one pissed-off wife.  "Now that your quest for revenge is over, you better get a damn job!"   There's a possibility he'll be back, either because he realizes how lame that scene was, or he turns into the same never-before-seen monster his father was.

After the break, Sam asks if Dean meant that part about being "past saving."  I hope so, but I know Sam disagrees with me.

Crowley is taken to the witch, who has been tortured.  Rowena is hanging by chains, bloodied but just as nasty.  "Are you the King of Lilliput?" Crowley stares at her. She goads him,  "Cat got your tongue?" and meows.  It's great.



Crowley says, "Mother?"   AND into credits!

Next week, Sheriff Jody Mills and a new partner join Sam and Dean for "Hibbing 911."

Random Thoughts:

I loved the phone scene.  But honestly?  They both look a little old to be doing this. Marie was on to something.

Sorry I slagged off Rowena in "Soul Survivor."  She's a welcome addition.  Crowley is going to be soooo whipped.

Also sorry that Hannah is gone.  I didn't care one way or another whether or not she and Cas hooked up.  The less angel war, the more badonkadonk, the better.

*After 10 years, how do you "direct" an episode?  Is it just pointing and nodding your head by now?

Screencaps by homeofthenutty.com Gifs by spnfans.tumblr.com

Wake Me When The War Is Over: Supernatural Review, Episode 9x14, "Captives"

It's an odd feeling when an episode simultaneously has me on the edge of my seat and deeply irritated at the same time. I almost feel like reviewing it would spoil the pleasure because on rewatching there was fatty gristle in the tasty stew.  How's that for a metaphor?

"Captives" is directed by set designer Jerry Wanek and written by Robert Berens.  It cuts back and forth seamlessly between two plotlines.  It is also a showcase for Wanek's amazing, beautiful bunker sets. It's fast-paced, but "Captives" has clutter that 42 minutes can't afford. Kind of like Season 9 itself.  The A-story is so well written and acted that I wish the B story didn't exist, no matter how good the writing is.

THEN: Kevin's story up to and including his untimely death, including Mama Tran.  Kevin says, "you killed my mother" to Crowley, who messes with the prophet's head by intimating she might be alive. It ends with Sam telling Dean that Dean only saved him because Dean didn’t want to be alone. Then Sam tells Dean that in his place, Sam wouldn’t have saved Dean.

NOW: Dean is lying on his bed, headphones, listening to "Lonely Is The Night." He didn't want to be alone, but now he is more alone than ever.  But lights flicker, things buzz, there's a ghost!  Dean calls out for Sam, who whips out of his room and, when he can't find his brother, grabs an iron sword.  They might not be speaking to each other, but they will defend each other to the death.  And even better, we get this!


Could Sam be dressed like this for the entire episode? No? Damn.

The bunker being haunted is such a cool concept!  The VFX team also does an amazing job with the ghost effects.  Dean shoots it with rock salt, and says casually, "Yep. Bunker's haunted."

It's haunted by KEVIN TRAN!! (Osric Chau), who lets them know by beeping the coffeemaker.  Hee.  Alone with the coffeemaker, Dean makes a speech in which he actually uses the words "my fault."  But before we can savor that delicious moment, Kevin appears with a crack about Dean's self-pity.

 I was so happy to see Kevin again!  Spirits are trapped in the veil now that Heaven is closed.  Which brings up an interesting thought: how many thousands are there?  And if Hell had been boarded up, would we have then been overrun with bad souls?

Kevin wants the Winchesters to find his mom.  He learned from another spirit that she is still alive (yay!).  Since "Candy" is bound to where she died, a few miles away from the storage facility where she was kept captive by Crowley, along with Mama Tran and someone named "Jerome" who is never mentioned again.  Sam and Dean put up radios, lights, and just to be safe, the coffeemaker.  The brothers' scenes under the trestle have a nice old time feel, with Sam snarking at Dean. There are several role reversals in this episode, including (spoiler alert!) Dean being the one hit over the head and being tied up!  Thank you, Robert Berens!

"Candy" shows up via the radio, and does an exposition dump about Crowley, storage units, blah blah. And now for the fatty gristle: the Angel War.  The angel war didn't work in Season 6 and works EVEN LESS NOW!  WHY IS IT EVEN IN THE SHOW?  DON'T WE HAVE ENOUGH SUBPLOTS TO SINK A DAMN WHALING BOAT? Are the creatives even interested, or is the war considered a necessary evil?  Pardon the pun.  It's boring, slows up the hunt for Metatron and Gadreel.  Which is the interesting part of the angel story.  I need Metatron on my screen.


Two angels having a staring contest. 

Bartholomew (Adam Harrington) captures Castiel, and brings him to Buddy Boyle's church.  Which is an enormous building with scripture written in huge metal letters.  It doesn't make sense that Boyle would have such a Scientology-level base, but whatever. Misha Collins conveys his conflicting emotions subtly, and Adam Harrington, despite the limitations of his role, manages several levels of friendliness/rage/control freak. 

Bart and Cas were garrison buddies and now they've switched positions.  Bartholomew is, as he was when we first met him, a B-movie cult leader with gleaming teeth.  I sat there thinking, "no, don't join him, you have an addiction to being a dumbass whenever there's a larger plan!"  (Crowley, anyone?). Bart wants Cas to join him in one of those "kill them all/you don't lose without bloodshed blah blah".  Then he takes Castiel to see the last of the "Penitents", pacifist angels, being tortured.

   
What is it with this show and slicing torsos?

We have the now de rigeur torture porn.   By now Bartholomew has gone completely Mein Fuhrer.  He orders Castiel to kill the Penitent, but ends up killing the angel himself.  Don't worry, the show stopped worrying about vessels several seasons ago.  Sam's demon blood route is looking mighty  good at this point.

   
Crazy eyes alert!

“Angels fighting angels has to stop somewhere. It might as well stop with me,” Cas says.  Please, please, please let it be so.  Cas starts to leave.  Bartholomew tries to kill Castiel, but Castiel goes BAMF and kills him instead. Farewell, we hardly knew ye, but who gives a shit?

   
Don't piss off the nerd angel

Only: Cas has followers now!  KNOCK IT OFF!  THIS STUFF STOPPED WORKING AFTER SEASON FIVE!  There was Malachi versus Bartholomew for one episode, and now Cas has apostles.  I have a bad feeling about this.  As in this is going to take up more episode time.

Back to the good part.  The Winchesters find--Castle Storage!  I love Castle Storage, it's like Biggerson's.  Smooth creamy consistency.  Two bespectacled nerds work there.  There are storage lockers rented to "D.Webster."  Dean admires Crowley's in-joke, as do I. One of the bespectacled nerds, Del (James Immekus), says he'll take Dean to the storage locker.  Big mistake.  They go to a storage locker filled with stuff. Del clocks Dean unconscious. Sam finds the right storage locker, and finds Mama Tran!  Kudos to the show for making the actress look like she has spent more than a month in a storage locker.



She screams when the storage door rolls open, expecting one of her tormentors to appear.  But it's Sam, who unties her.  Dell locks the door with his remote.  Lauren Tom and Jared Padalecki take the show to a whole new level in their scenes together.  She's certain Kevin is with the Winchesters.  The emotions playing across Sam's face are heartbreaking, guilt at what happened and knowing the pain she'll feel when he tells her that her son is dead.  She brushes aside Sam to disable the door, saying she'd learned from Kevin's projects.  Sam puts his hand on her hand, and they look at each other.  The moment is beautifully tragic.  Rather than breaking down, Tiger Mommy turns her fury toward disabling the lock.

Meanwhile Dean has been tied up.  He wakes to find that Del has slit the throat of his lookalike coworker to place a phone call to Crowley.


 Can we agree that Jensen Ackles's legs look particularly delectable?

Del's an intern who hates his sucky job, "hosing down the floors, emptying the sugar bowls".  Yes! For once, a show admits that captives have to go to the bathroom!  This is actually a big deal to me.  No shows I can think of allow for the idea that captives can be...messy.  It's these little touches that help ground "Supernatural" in reality.

Since Crowley has disappeared, Del is furious.  He isn't allowed to kill.  "I have my demon needs!" he storms. Dean implies that Crowley has been hanging with the Winchesters.  This sends Del over the edge.  He tosses the bowl aside, saying "I quit!" and gleefully cuts Dean's throat.  Before Del can deliver the big stab, Sam grabs him and gives Mama Tran the demon knife.  Stonefaced, she kills him.

Back at the bunker, mother and son have a tearful reunion.  Kudos again for letting Lauren Tom look like hammered crap.  She finds his father's ring, the object he is bound to, and takes it with her.  Dean says to enjoy her time with Kevin: “the uninterrupted twenty-four seven, no escape, quality time.”  Before they leave, Kevin gives them the variation on the speech that has been done so many times in so many movies and TV shows it's grown moss on the side that doesn't face the sun.  "Stop fighting.  Get over it."  He's going home with his mom, and he's a ghost.  He makes them promise to get along.  They grudgingly promise.

 
"I'm dead, so I know stuff."

It takes a lot more than a lecture on love by a dead guy to get the boys over this latest crisis. Especially because, oh, SAM IS STARING AT THE GUY HE KILLED BECAUSE OF HIS BROTHER'S ACTIONS.  Dean turns around to see--

 
"Buh-bye."

 Sam goes to the door of his room, hesitates, then goes in.  We exit on the same image on which we entered.  Dean, alone, listening to the same music on his headphones.  Jerome is presumably rotting in the storage locker.

On the one hand, I want to see Kevin again.  But on the other, I thought of how they let the air out of the tires after Bobby's heartbreaking death by bringing him back. And back. And back. It's like he never left!  But what if Kevin leads all of the spirits out of the veil and they attack Metatron?  That would be so cool!  Are you listening, writers?  Isn't that better than an angel war?

Guys?

Guys?

Oh, forget it.  Can you bring back Crowley?

Hot Pink! Supernatural review, 9x06, "Heaven Can't Wait"

"Heaven Can't Wait" was one of the best episodes of what has been, overall, an excellent season.  I flat-out loved it.  Perhaps because this was by a new writer, Robert Berens.  The overall mythology arc was smoothly handled in small amounts and not jammed in arbitrarily ("Slumber Party," anyone?)   The A-plot and B-plot wove together nicely, providing crucial moments of growth for several of the characters.  It had humor, pacing, drama, and a large dollop of manpain.

I'm probably one of the only viewers who enjoys the episodes where Dean and Sam are separated.  It's refreshing to watch how each of them interacts with other characters.  The A-plot is Dean and Castiel; the B-plot is Sam and Crowley. Let's start with the obvious.  Dean is being a real asshole.   They can't use the word on the show, but it's my review and I calls it as I sees it.  Another complaint: Sam has been combing his hair with guck.


Girlfriend is bustin' out the Brylcreem

At a Gas-n-Sip in Idaho, Castiel is earning Best Employee of the Millennium.  He's known as "Steve" (no Clarence? MEEGGGG!).  We watch him happily make his morning rounds, filling the coffee urns, putting in the cash drawer, and just being too adorable in a dorky blue vest.  His boss is a blonde hottie (when she first entered, I groaned inwardly, anticipating sweet, sweet loving that wouldn't end up with Cas killed).  She finds his toothbrush, etc. in the supply room, and his sleeping bag in the back.  Cas says that he likes to stay late to do inventory.  He totes has a home with a bed in it. 

Despite this, she asks him if he's free the next night, saying it's so hard to meet a great guy these days, especially since she's a single mom.  She tells him to be at her house at 7 the following night and gives him a quick kiss.

Back at the bunker, Kevin has managed to translate the angel tablet into a dead language, so it's time for everybody to hit the books!

After a suicidal guy is blown to smithereens by a guy with a cross earring, Cas calls Dean.  Brusquely, Cas tells Dean there's a case. Sam says if there's a case, he should come along, but Dean waves him off with an excuse--who cares what by now.  He doesn't dare have Zeke and Cas in the same vicinity. Dean flees the bunker faster than a weasel on crack. Suicidal guy has coated his abode with a moist hot pink bleeccch.


"I know it's vaporized human, but dang, this would be a great color for my kid's bedroom."

Dean hustles to Rexford, Idaho, and goes straight to the Gas-n-Sip.  Where, to no one's surprise, Castiel is none too pleased to see his former BFF.


"Hello, Dean. Fuck off and die."

Dean wastes no time re-establishing his asshole cred by belittling Castiel's job.   He assumes it's because of "the girl."  But Castiel is proud of how he does his job.  "You're better than this," Dean claims.  Oh, yeah, a guy with no money, no resume and no fixed address has so many options.  Pot, meet kettle.  Cas says his work has human dignity, but Dean says, "Wow. So you went from fighting heavenly battles to nuking taquitos." "Nachos, too," Cas adds.

Meanwhile, a teen is wailing into her cell because her boyfriend had the gall to break up with her in real time, instead of Facebook.  Heh.   She turns, and Earring Boy puts his hand on her and she explodes in a cloud of hot pink liquid.  Wow, that sentence came out SO much more porny than I meant.  When Dean and Cas arrive, Cas freaks.  This is the work of a Rit Zein, the angels that put wounded angels out of their misery on the battlefield.  A Rit Zein has never been on Earth, so they have no clue as to the ebb and flow of human emotion.  All they feel is the pain.  Because Middle America is one big cauldron of despair, this angel will be racking up a triple-digit body count in no time.

Taking a brief break from being an asshole, Dean drives Cas to his date and helps him prep.  It's a really sweet scene.  Whatever their situation, Dean and Cas have great chemistry.  Dean convinces him to ditch the blue vest, and unbutton his shirt.  At the door, Cas waves Dean away like an embarrassed teen.  Only to find out that the hottie has a date, but not with him.  He's been tricked into babysitting.  "She never cries," the hottie assures him.  As soon as she's out the door, the baby starts yowling.


COULD THIS BE ANY CUTER???

Cas quiets the baby by singing the theme song to "Greatest American Hero," which is a tad anvilicious, but who cares?  (Note: the original script called for Cas to sing "Highway To Hell," but there were apparently budget problems.  Damn!!)  That Misha Collins manages to sing in Castiel's deep, growly voice is a real achievement.  When the baby won't stop crying, Cas rocks it back and forth, taking the opportunity to meditate how hard it is to negotiate a big, frightening world.

Back at the bunker, Sam is trying to get Crowley to translate the dead language.  The dynamic between Sam and Crowley has changed.  Sam is in charge now, and can walk away and shut the doors on Crowley any time he damn well pleases.  Crowley fakes being conciliatory, but then throws the balled-up paper in Sam's face.  Sam says he's going to hand over Crowley to Abbadon.  "She's scarier than you've been in years," he snarks. 

Crowley says he'll do it, for one phone call.  "Even Dahmer got a phone call," he points out.  Sam puts a bowl on the table and prepares to draw blood, but Crowley wants Kevin's blood.  Once the blood is boiling, Crowley discovers the hell of voice-mail, hell style.  "I've been put on hold," he grumps. Once he is put through to Abbadon, they have a satisfyingly nasty conversation.  She is voiding his contracts, taking souls before their time.  While he fumes, she snarls that he is "King of the Bureaucrats."  Abbadon intends to tear apart Crowley's orderly Hades.  I was reminded of "Season Seven, Time For A Wedding!" when Crowley admonishes a demon, "This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell!  We have a little thing
called integrity!"


"If I was Hannibal Lecter, you'd be scared out of your panties."


"I go commando, you pussy!"

Crowley translates the "doodles," and it's not good news.  Metatron's spell is irreversible.  Not that Crowley gives a fuck.  While Sam and Kevin are hyperventilating over this latest turn, Crowley palms the syringe that Kevin used.

The baby has a fever.  Earring Boy, aka Ephram shows up, presumably drawn by her pain.  But no, it's Cas he's there for.  He speechifies about how Castiel was once legendary, but has failed at everything.  His pain can be heard for miles.  Ephram berates Cas for choosing to be human.  But before Ephram can blast Cas into a big spray of pink liquid (okay, here comes the fanfic--geez, another double entendre--what is it with this episode?), Dean busts in with an angel blade.  The reason is too convoluted to explain.  You wanna know, watch the show.

Ephram does the de rigeur move of throwing Dean across the room, but Dean slides the angel blade across the floor to Cas.  Who promptly dispatches Ephram, earring and all.  It feels peremptory, as if there was a missing scene. 

Somehow, Dean and Cas manage to clean up the mess and hide the dead body before the single mom returns.  She tells Cas that he's "special" because he cares, or something to that effect.  Cas gets into the Impala with Dean.

Bunker: Sam is washing the blood bowl, when he spots something awry with his junkie kit.  A syringe is missing.  He heads to where Crowley is and peeks around the door.  To see Crowley injecting Kevin's blood, then sitting back, sighing with relief. What does this mean?  Is Kevin's prophet blood somehow purer than Sam's blood?  Is Kevin's blood helping Crowley get back to his demonic self?

The next morning, Cas is still in the Impala with Dean, and a million shippers go nuts on tumblr.  Dean compliments Cas on adapting, gives him a half-assed apology for throwing his BFF out, and then lies to Cas about the angel spell.  Cas feels he should accompany Dean to help save the angels. "You're human now, you let me and Sam take care of the angels."  That's DeanSpeak for "I don't want you anywhere near my brother, sorry, pal.  And I'll conveniently forget that you're Heaven's most wanted.  See ya!"


Yes, Dean, we're all done with this crap, too.

Between Dean and Ephram, Castiel's self-esteem has been ground finer than sand,  With an air of defeat, he starts his day. He flips on the overhead TV and hears newsmen talking about the "meteor shower."  He turns it off.  The episode ends with Cas sadly staring at the sky.


“Thanks for ruining my life, Dean.  Again."

Zeke didn't show up for this episode, so no drinking game.
 However, here's:

Yucky gratuitous angel nudity

Castiel had better strip down again, because it's getting harder to find GAN pics.  On the upside, there's always Jared Padalecki.

Dean Gets Pie, Cas Gets Laid - Supernatural Season 9, Episode 3, "I'm No Angel"

Is it okay that I got insanely excited when DEAN GOT PIE?  The poor man never gets his pie.  I was dreading this episode, because this is the same team who brought you "Man's Best Friend With Benefits", which combined racism, sexism and bestiality, and not in a fun way.  Where's Larry David when you need him?

This ep was far better, even as it retconned canon.  But then, I'm getting used to that.  One thing "Supernatural" is doing well are callbacks to earlier seasons, which helps stitch the series into a more unified whole.  It also explores aspects of faith, unlike Season 7, which was more or less about...I'm not sure what, except there were these badly CGI'd mouthed things that wanted to cure cancer and eat everybody.

"I'm No Angel", which I will always hear Mae West's voice drawling, filled in the missing third of the triangle, the journey of human Cas.  Everybody except the Winchesters wants him dead.

"Hello, I'm Bartholomew.  I'm your angelic nemesis this season. This is my one facial expression."

Doesn't he remind you of every German villain in every action picture of the 80s? Only thing missing is the accent.  And being any sort of threatening.  I want to see Abbadon eat him for breakfast.  Literally.

"THEN" reminds us that reapers are serious personnel in black coats. Death didn't need to have them possess anyone. They just were. Rogue reapers, on the other hand, look like extras in "Law And Order." After Death's fantastic appearance in the premiere, he needs to show up and solemnly kick some reaper ass.

"NOW" Castiel, calling himself "Clarence" (MEEEGGGG!) is homeless and on the run.  Living in a shelter and picking up trash for a church, he discovers that the priests have been tortured and killed, their eyes burned out.  Time to move on.

Quibble: why are their eyes burned out?  Nobody else who watches angels die/possess/show up gets their eyes burned out any more.   Buddy Boyle (a very funny actor whose name I can't find on IMDB) watches a vessel be possessed and then explode, and his eyes remain intact, although seriously bugged out.  Boyle is a televangelist who has thrown his lot in with Bartholomew, believing he is doing the Lord's work.

Meanwhile, in the Batcave, Sam is back to his old self, more cheerful than we've seen in a long, long time.  (He sure didn't look this happy when he was with Amelia.)   The chemistry between the brothers when they're getting along is so much more fun than when they're fighting.  Drama is conflict, yeah, but they're surrounded by drama.  Let 'em have a little fun and some greasy eggs (and PIE). Nah.  Ezekiel shows up and spoils everything.
"Sorry, Dean, but I need to shut this party down."

The way Jared Padalecki seems to effortlessly switch back and forth between Zeke and Sam is excellent acting no I'm not staring obsessively at Jared Padalecki.  Zeke informs Dean that a faction of angels is organizing to find and kill Cas.  He leaves, and Sam continues without a beat back into what he was saying before Zeke took over.  Zeke is getting entirely too comfortable with taking over Sam's meatsuit, and Dean is getting increasingly uncomfortable with having to lie to his brother.  Plus, his lies are getting more outrageous as he frantically tries to cover up all sorts of messes.

Bart hires a rogue reaper, who looks more homeless than Cas, to find the ex-angel by following the Winchesters.  Of course the brothers find and overpower the reaper, then kill him.  Good times.

Cas learning to be human is sad and funny.  He finds urinating repetitive, eats toothpaste, and learns the many ways a human body can be difficult.  Cold, hungry, and farting.  Heh.  There are a few cliched lines about "the most generous are the ones with the least to give." Try telling that to the crackheads in my neighborhead.

But just when you think he's getting too pathetic, an angel shows up to off Cas.  Cas is wounded, but the angel's shock at finding Cas human is enough of a diversion for Cas stab the angel to death.  And Cas looks like he really enjoys it. 

There's an interesting sub-sub-plot that the few beings that find out Cas's true situation get killed before they can convey that information.  The only huh? with Cas's plight is that his blue shirt remains spotless and pressed throughout his adventures (except for the blood from the angel fight).  I'm obsessed with staring at Misha Collins observant.  Cas ends up in Chinatown, staring at food, and because this is Supernatural, staring at a woman's huge breasts.


Cas discovers a) he has working genitals b) he's been hanging around Dean Winchester way too long

Instead of food, he gets a tattoo to conceal himself from the angels.  One touching scene has Cas sitting in a Catholic church, having a conversation with a woman who has been praying for her sick husband. (Disclaimer: I'm an atheist, which is just one of the reasons I get such a kick out of this show.)  Cas tries to tell her the truth about God and Heaven, but she isn't having any.  She tells him that he would feel better if "[he] would try it my way."  I've had variations of this conversation since...forever.


Yeah, lady, wait until an angel possesses you and you explode.

When Cas is going through garbage cans, smelling a pickle and deeming it not fit to eat (hee), he is approached by April, a pretty young thing who offers him a sandwich.  Later, she finds him in her doorway, huddling in the rain.  The scenes between them are pretty maudlin, although why she lets a homeless guy into her apartment who's been in a knife fight is just weird.  Unless it's because he  looks like Misha Collins.  I was hoping that when Cas first kisses April, he finds having a tongue in his mouth bizarre.  But, why should I complain when we get shirtless!Cas.
Gratuitous angel semi-nudity before:


Gratuitous angel semi-nudity after

They get busy a few more times, until the next morning, when he discovers that April is a reaper.  She goes all Saint Sebastian on his ass, until the Winchesters bust in.
 
Supernatural: Pleasing fans who love to see cute guys tortured since 2005.

April stabs Cas to death.  The for realz kind.  I expected Dean to lose his shit a lot more than he did at finding his soulmate dead.  He looks shocked and sad, but when you've watched him cry over dead Sam a few times, Cas deserves at least a hug. (Side note: JP is better at playing dead than MC.)

April throws Sam around--the poor bastard is getting thrown around more in these past three episodes than Seasons 1 and 2 combined--before Zeke takes over, heals Cas, brings him back to life, then collapses. Dean babbles yet another lie to Sam and Cas as to what happened.

Back at the Batcave, Cas is as happy as a clam.  Great water pressure, burritos, Dean and Sam...that means it's going to be major suckage very, very soon. 

Sure enough, Zeke appears and tells Dean that Cas must be expelled from the Batcave, because it's too dangerous to have him around.  If Dean doesn't kick Cas to the curb pronto, Zeke leaves, Sam dies.

Okay, here are my BIG problems with this:

1) They've got Kevin, Prophet of the Lord and Crowley, King of Hell holed up in the Batcave...and Cas is too dangerous to have around?  Cas, without whom Dean would not leave Purgatory?  Cas, who Dean needed so much that it broke Naomi's spell??  Cas, who is uber-family?  WTF?

2) Dean is bad ass.  As in Bad Ass Mother Fucker.  Sam is his weakness, but I can't believe for a minute that Dean caves that easily.  He's too smart not to know that he has battled his way through every situation, been to Hell and back.  And now that Zeke threatens to take his marbles and go home, Dean throws Cas out?

Cas's kicked-puppy face when Dean tells him to leave is heartbreaking.  However, that moment is exactly when the show ends.  Maybe it's just me being a cockeyed optimist, but there might be yet another twist a-comin'.

Bird Of A Feather - Review, Supernatural S9x2, "Devil May Care"

Before I go into any more detail about Season 9's Episode 2, "Devil May Care," I want to point out something that nobody else seems to have caught. In that glorious moment when Ezekiel takes over Sam: EZEKIEL HAS WINGS!  Tattered wings with feathers falling off, but HE HAS WINGS! Every angel that fell from Heaven lost their wings--except Ezekiel.  This must be an intentional choice on the part of the show.  I'm not going to go into the myriad explanations for it, because I believe there will be an explanation down the road, and I am dying to know what it is.

In the meantime, let's review the episode, shall we?  Directed by Guy Norman Bee and written by Andrew Dabb, the basic premise for "Devil May Care" seemed to be: throw everything at the wall and see what sticks.  Following the Season 9 premiere, this episode had one thing that shouldn't have bugged me, but did, because it's so early in the season: too many characters.

First, there's the resurrected Abbadon, that gorgeous Lauren Bacall from Hell, one of Lucifer's Knights, and her first demon squad.  "Granny Demon" steals the scene, backtalking at her new boss.
Don't give me shit, young lady!

(I can't find the name of the actress on IMDB or in any of the live tweets.) Amazed that "the salesman" has taken over Hell, Abbadon, a fiery warrior, intends to return it to its full glory:
The good old days, when there were...bunnies?

The first thing she does is replace the old vessels with a bunch of young soldiers on shore leave.  Jeez, just when you think you're gonna get laid, you get someone in your body who's hot in all the wrong ways. (Interesting point: these demons are all inhabiting dead bodies.  That's unusually altruistic. Maybe they should stop smoking into live people and truck on down to the city morgue.)

Second, there are a bunch of redshirt hunters being rounded up and tortured so Abbadon can find the Winchesters.  To make it even more confusing, there's some who have real dialogue. (Side-note: I love Paul Rae, who plays Irv.)  Then there's a young women in Daisy Dukes, who's a hunter, not just an anonymous babe.  Oh, forget it, she is an anonymous babe.  Has anyone ever noticed that the show's casting people have a thing for tiny brunettes?
All you need to know about this character

Third there's Kevin, Crowley, Dean, Sam and Ezekiel.  Damn, no nude Cas. Every episode needs nude Cas.  Really, how did we go 8 seasons without knowing what a rocking vessel Cas had? 

The script has many great moments, and hilarious lines.  On leaving a deserted, contaminated town, Dean announces, "Burgers and Silkwood showers for everyone!"

"Devil May Care" Plot for Dummies:

1. Dean has Crowley stashed in the Impala's trunk.  Priceless.  When Crowley starts to say his signature line, "Hello, boys," Dean punches him before he can get the second word out.  Heh.   He and Sam take the King of Hell back to the Batcave.  When Kevin finds out that Crowley is alive, Kevin completely loses his shit.  Told to keep away from Crowley (spoiler alert!), Kevin goes straight to the dungeon.  Crowley goads Kevin into beating the crap out of him, taunting him with the idea that Mama Tran might still be alive--please, please let this be true--and Kevin decides to leave the Batcave.  Only to be stopped by Mama Dean, who tells the tormented lad, that not only is he family, "we would die for you."  What?  Did they really need that line?  Something tells me...

Big Bad: "It's either you or Kevin!"
Dean: "I'll wait in the car." (Leaves to feel crushing guilt over yet another bad decision)

This gives Osric Chau a chance to go from funny to homicidal to a muddy puddle of exhaustion and confusion.  Not to mention constipated.  Heh.  As always, Mark Sheppard is a pleasure to watch.  And I share his desire to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier, putting the S-A-M into S&M. Rowr.

2. As part of her demonic plan to take over Hell (pun intended), Abbadon lures the boys into an obvious trap (it's gotten so that when one of the boys says, "You know this is a trap?" the other nods.  No big.)  with two kidnapped hunters.  Babe and  IRV! 

Remember me in "House"? No? "True Grit?" I'm Paul Rae, bitches!

3.  Anonymous babe is royally pissed at Sam.  His releasing Lucifer from his cage got her parents slaughtered by a celebrating demon.  One thing I've loved about this season and the last is all of the callbacks to earlier seasons, giving Season 9 a sense of continuity.   Irv reveals that he ratted out the hunters' names to Abbadon, and promptly gets shot.  IRV!  Oh, how I wanted him to be a continuing character!  As I wrote before, Show has an gift of writing interesting background characters.  He may be there for expository purposes, but he's a great character and I would have loved him to be, say the new Bobby.  It's a stretch, true, but aside from a scene where Kevin humiliates a (female) soldier into letting the boys investigate a crime scene, he'd be better off staying a prophet and not the go-to guy for...everything.  Besides, who else would beat the tar out of Crowley?

When the boys enter the empty, waste-contaminated town, they split up, Dean taking Babe, Sam taking the soon-to-be dead Irv.  Dean sends Babe to get weapons out of Baby's trunk, conveniently setting the scene where Abbadon meets Dean face to face.  It's a weirdly sexy, twisted scene.  "Are we gonna fight or make out, 'cause I'm getting some real mixed signals here," Dean gasps as she breaks his shoulder.  She threatens to peel off his anti-possession tattoo and take over his body.  Which, like Sam's, is designed to be a powerful vessel.
A female character with a rockin' personality! Thank you, Andrew Dabb!

Back at the diner where the Winchesters first freed Babe and Irv, the soldier demons are smashing Sam around, having a lot of sadistic fun.  Sam gets knocked unconscious. At which AWESOME point Ezekiel takes over, leading to the images above, that cool high-pitched angel whine, and the diner explodes.  Terrified, Abbadon gets the hell out of toxic Dodge.

Some have said that Abbadon shouldn't be frightened of a mere angel.  But Crowley, the King of Hell himself, beat it out of there last season when Cas angeled up.   Dean goes to find Ezekiel, who he dubs Zeke.  There is a wonderful scene between Dean and Zeke.  Zeke's body language reminded me of a baffled parrot, the way he cocks his head in bewilderment and stares at Sam's brother.   (Seriously, is there any character Jared Padalecki can't play??)  Dean is--of course--filled with guilt that he stopped Sam from slamming the gates of Hell and that everything that happens is Dean's fault.  But Zeke tells Dean that his brother stopped the trials out of love, which embarrasses the heck out of Dean.  It's a word that never comes up between the brothers because they're big ole macho guys who don't use that language.  But Zeke cuts right through the bullshit.  He assures Dean that he is doing the right thing.  Then he gives Dean the bloody knife to "prove" to Sam that Dean took out the three demons. 

When Sam comes to, Dean tells him that's what happened.  Sam is going to start putting two and three together at some point.

At the end, Dean gives Kevin the speech about family, and Kevin goes to his room for a good cry.  The brothers have a glass of whiskey.  Sam says that he feels he has everything, and that he feels happy.  Uh-oh. Perhaps Zeke is brainwashing Sam, or perhaps Zeke is just feeling mighty good that he is inside Sam.  Lucky angel.