HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2015 was in many ways a fantastic year!

"Cervix With A Smile" GOT PUBLISHED!  I will love the folks at the Exit Press forever.

I did a lot of writing!

I PERFORMED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS!  Last year's resolution was "perform once".  Achievable goals, folks.

We went to the Jersey Shore.  Fantastic weather, great swimming, and food, food, food.

A dear friend sent me a tin of homemade chocolate truffles, most of which have now been eaten.

Another dear friend went with me to my doctors' appointments and kept copious notes.

My first trip by myself, to Chicago, with a roomette on the train both ways.

I got to spend another year with my wonderful spouse.

2015 was in many ways a sucky year.

I started the new year in the psychiatric ward at Roosevelt Hospital.  Nothing says "Happy New Year!" than a paper poinsettia placement and a cupcake with blue frosting.  Then I spent several months with my brain not working quite right.

I got breast cancer.  That blew.

Our cat Rupert died.

I've gained weight, partly from eating most of the homemade chocolate truffles.  Actually, that's not really in the "sucky" column.

Bring on 2016.  I'm waiting for you, sucker.

The Wonderful Chronicles - Just Wonderful

May 28, 2015

I went back for another mammogram and an ultrasound for my left breast.  They found two 'sites', for which I'll have to have a "core" biopsy.  Which can't take place until June 10th.  I completely fell apart at the clinic but I'm calmer now.  The doctor came in and talked to me, reassuring me but also explaining what a lumpectomy is. I was crying uncontrollably--I've never even had a needle biopsy.

"Did you bring someone with you?" he asked.

"N-no."

"Can you get home by yourself?" His demeanor suggested half-concern, half what-the-fuck-do-I-do-with-this-madwoman.  I gasped yest.

I want to get in sooner, but the doctor can only do 2 procedures a day (?) and so if he has one already booked, I make 3 procedures, so they can't get me in any sooner. SORRY TO INTERFERE WITH YOUR SCHEDULE, MOTHERFUCKER, IT'S ONLY MY FUCKING BREAST.  I'LL BE FINE, ASSHOLE.

In brighter news, I followed my doctor's advice to take a fuckton of ibuprofen for a few days, to ease the inflammation in my knees.  It seems to have worked.  They generally haven't hurt that much anyway.

I know many of you have had severe health problems, so this must seem like small potatoes. 

(A/N: Oops)

The Wonderful Chronicles - My Sorta Breast Cancer Journey

In May of this year, I discovered that there was a suspicious lump in my left breast.  Two, actually.

There's a history of breast cancer in my family.  Actually, a host of cancers.  So I knew it might happen eventually.  And when it did, I was pissed and scared.  So these are edited entries I made on a private blog.  I called them "The Wonderful Chronicles".

I wouldn't exactly call it my breast cancer journey.  It hasn't changed my life in any fundamental way so far.  Does that make me a bad cancer patient?  Am I not being noble enough??  Should I post photos of myself smiling boldly while wearing a head-scarf?  Even if I didn't go through chemo and I still have all of my hair?  Anyway, in the grand tradition of over-sharing, here we go.

May 23, 2015

It's Saturday, the first day of our three-day weekend. I got three letters from my doctors after a series of tests:

1) Blood work: mildly elevated bad cholesterol

2) I have arthritis in both knees

3) I have a suspicious growth in my breast.

I want to drown myself in the toilet.