In May of this year, I discovered that there was a suspicious lump in my left breast. Two, actually.
There's a history of breast cancer in my family. Actually, a host of cancers. So I knew it might happen eventually. And when it did, I was pissed and scared. So these are edited entries I made on a private blog. I called them "The Wonderful Chronicles".
I wouldn't exactly call it my breast cancer journey. It hasn't changed my life in any fundamental way so far. Does that make me a bad cancer patient? Am I not being noble enough?? Should I post photos of myself smiling boldly while wearing a head-scarf? Even if I didn't go through chemo and I still have all of my hair? Anyway, in the grand tradition of over-sharing, here we go.
May 23, 2015
It's Saturday, the first day of our three-day weekend. I got three letters from my doctors after a series of tests:
When last we saw our heroes, Sam was locked in a closet with a black veiny monster virus and Dean driving Teen Sheriff and Killer Baby to Teen Sheriff's grandma's house. The brothers lie to each other about how everything's fine.
What they don't know is that Killer Baby eats souls and then grows older, like the Amazon teenager in Season 9, was it? And possesses cute little girls.
"A new leader for Azazel 's demon army has risen in the west. Her name is Lilith."
Oh shit, wrong season. Doesn't matter, Amara does the same crap.
Note to self: don't watch the good episodes of Season 4 before writing one of these.
NOW:
Sam captures another rabid guy with an elaborate trap and tasers him. Why he didn't simply wait behind the dumpster is beyond me, but it's still pretty cool.
Sam
Sam takes him to the hospital and chains him up. When rabid guy demands food, Sam tosses him pudding. Buh? Pudding? Why wouldn't the guy demand blood and guts? Rabid guy embarrasses himself by eating the pudding in a rabid way with his fingers.
Sam is apparently doomed to eating hospital food with his bare hands. Watch out fish sticks, nobody is safe!!
By far the best part of this mess is Sam being smart. Why does he go back to the hospital exactly? Oh, to get the touching scene we've seen in the previews of Sam praying. Go nuts in the comments, the best parts in "Form And Void" involved Sam being proactive rather than standing around gulping. Dean has the less interesting part, although Jensen Ackles does his best. He's mostly given reactions to situations, which is frustrating. Let the guy do what he does best.
"This is the most relaxing episode I've had in years."
Although he definitely gets the best lines including his description of The Darkness: “Who knows what was in that giant, crazy fart.” Hee!
Amarra the Soul Eating Baby From Beyond Hell goes full The Exorcist, placing blocks in the wall that say "Feed Me".
Thought this shot was more interesting.
Teen Sheriff calls Dean to come back. Grandma calls in a priest: Father Crowley. Again, revealed in the promo. When he and Dean recognize each other, Crowley remarks, "Dean was a rather scrumptious young altar boy." Oh yeah, I bet he was.
Dean has flashbacks to being caught without his robe
Crowley's shown up to check out Amara: “We have no idea what ancient, world-shattering evil we’re dealing with, but go right ahead, let him know we’re coming.” He and Dean have a cosy chat. Nice going, King of Hell, we thought you were all evil again, but here you are being Dean's bestie.
Teen Sheriff's soul has been eating by Killer Baby from Beyond Hell. So she's killed Grandma and is now breaking her china collection. Remember how much fun Sam was without a soul? Not a senseless killer, but smart. Somehow whoever steals souls on this show, whether it's Baby From Beyond Hell or Abbadon, the victims turn into killers without higher reasoning skills. Whatever. Crowley kills Teen Sheriff.
Then Crowley claims he's no longer Dean's sidekick. All he does is throw Dean into a closet and vanish. Oh Crowley, ye of little threat.
Meanwhile in the hospital, Sam has a vision, which of course involves blood and screaming. He finds Billie, a reaper who from some reason is the new Boss.
"I'm here so the fans quit bitching about the whiteness of the cast."
She says, "You are unclean in the Biblical sense."
UNCLEAN IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE? UNCLEAN IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE? HE'S BEEN UNCLEAN SINCE THE PILOT! HE WAS PURIFIED BY GOD. GO FUCK YOURSELVES, YOU LAZY SLOBS.
Could someone tell me what the point of torturing Cas other than to give him a plot?
Misha Collins ponders whether his residual checks from past seasons will pay for his new Mercedes.
Why is Castiel's curse so lame? He warns his brothers, but not much happens. Okay, he busts the chains off the chair while making "arf" noises, but then it's the usual angel blade fighting we've seen dozens of times. Hannah in her wonderful new body shows up, but is quickly dispatched.
Now THIS is going crazy!
Note: do NOT watch if you don't have a strong stomach!!!!
This is what Rick in "The Walking Dead" does when someone threatens his family. He tears your throat out.
Come on, Cas, tear somebody's arm off! WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS? Oh right, torture porn. The angels spout some dialogue we've heard about Cas and the Winchesters, dozens of times, and slash at Castiel. By the way, there is a ton of screaming in this episode along with the torture porn.
Sam is seeing blurry which means the end is coming (does anyone care what happened by rabid guy? Not me). He staggers to the nearest laptop and discovers the cure is holy oil.
Look! A horse's butt! Nice horse's butt, at that.
Does anyone remember when holy oil was, well, holy? And hard to find? No, I don't either. He roasts a marshmallow doused in the stuff, applies it to his shapely neck--Virus-Be-Gone! He traps another three zombies rabid people in a circle of holy fire and they're all cured. It's not explained how they'll be able to make a circle of holy oil around the entire town, but honestly I don't care.
"Hello, I'll be your designated evil little girl this season."
At the end Lilith little girl Amara comes to a limo, where Crowley steps out and invites her in, offering as "candy" a family tied up. Sam and Dean return to the bunker to find Cas on the floor. They forgot about the warding a few seasons ago, so why not? I bet the maid accidentally scrubbed it all off.
Random:
An angel can cure himself of being shot and stabbed, but can't cure psoriasis?
Since everybody can get into the bunker now, how long before they find squatters?
How soon does Amara become a hot chick so she and Dean can bang each other?
How soon do Amara and Dean bang each other so that Sam can give Dean a lecture?
Billie The Reaper has a lovely voice.
Next Week:
I forgot. Rowena shows up in a blonde wig. Is she more powerful than the witch who patched together Crowley's meat suit? We'll never know.
"Hibbing 911," written by Jenny Klein and directed by Tim Andrews, is a light, entertaining comedy involving an odd-couple of female sheriffs. Kim Rhodes and Brianna Buckmaster have real chemistry as no-bullshit Jody Mills and ray-of-sunshine Donna.
Unfortunately, the episode also has the Winchester brothers. They are real wet blankets. Honestly, they are useless except to remind us at the end that the Mark of Cain is screwing up Dean. Not as badly as it did last season, but hey, we couldn't have more than a couple of episodes as a crazed demon, could we?
I sure could have. Damn, they are boring. They might have been neutered, for all I know. (Note to self: never watch an early season episode before writing one of these.)
Sam gets knocked out in every fight, the brothers get tied up, they do NOTHING inspired to mess up the monsters. Do they even bother with story boards, or they just xerox the same one over and over? When Sam was possessed by Gadreel, he had some pretty impressive fights, including when he and a demon crashed through a glass door, or when he was thrown into a clothes closet. Now, as I mentioned in my previous review, one punch and he's out. Come ON!! I hate to bring up early seasons, but...BAMF Sam, Research Sam, snarky to his brother Sam, angry Sam...I miss Sam.
Meanwhile, the Mark of Cain seems to have changed its power from Dean needing to kill to Dean needing to rub his arm once in a while and be kind of tense. Honestly, I don't have anything else to say about this episode.
Sheriff Jody Mills arrives at a Sheriffs' Retreat. She doesn't want to be there, in part because she's worried about leaving her former vampire daughter, Alex. One of the best running gags is Sheriff Mills arguing with Alex over the phone about not throwing a kegger in her surrogate mother's absence.
Once she gets there, she is greeted by an overpowering dose of sweetness in the form of Sheriff Donna, first seen last season in "Purge".
Donna's ex-husband, Doug, is also there. Jody is partnered with Donna for the weekend. Jody can't get over how masochistic Donna is about her ex-husband. They sit at the bar, and Donna looks into the next room, where Doug is dancing with a pretty sheriff.
Jody: “Honestly Donna, I just met the guy, but Doug seems like kind of a dick."
Donna: “But he was my dick."
When Dean and Sam arrive, in their Fed suits, Jody gives Dean a hug, but saves the real juice for Sam--as who wouldn't?
"Don't mind us, we're contractually obligated to be here."
"But this episode would be so much better if you weren't!"
"Sorry, no can do."
Dean: “How’s Alex holding up?"
Jody: “Awesome, already head of the cheer-leading squad."
Sam: “Wow, really?"
Jody: “No Sam, she smokes grass under the bleachers. But at least she’s not luring men to their deaths."
The plot: a group of vampires (who, for reasons unknown because it certainly wasn't necessary), eat all of the victims' flesh off their bones. What the fuck? Just go with it, if the people in charge don't care, why should I? Even if in the previous episode where Jody rescued Alex from her vampire family, they stuck close to the established lore?
Sam and Dean show up, Donna sees what she thinks is her boss killing someone, they all get caught and tied up in a barn...what? Oh, excuse me, I fell asleep.
Dean frees himself and goes wild on a couple of vamps, and Donna beheads the head vamp, an annoying teenager who's thousands of years old but never learned not to stop whining.
Donna has seen her sheriff friend with vamp teeth. And now needs a change of pants
"Donna, I understand. I too once needed a change of pants."
Sam dutifully lets himself be knocked out by somebody smaller...again.
Meet the world's most annoying vampire
"Oh, crap, the writers think I'm Sam!"
Look! Even when he moves, that hair ain't going anywhere!
"I'm fine! The Mark of Cain isn't screwing with me at all! No, my nose isn't growing!"
"Gee, Dean, well...okay...it would be more interesting if I argued with you, but I'm busy being set decoration."
Random Thoughts
What are they doing with Sam's hair this season? It barely movies! Why don't they put him in one of these beanies he wears off-camera?
Is it me, or are Jensen and Jared barely trying anymore? They must be so tired of doing the same crap every season, even if they're not allowed to say so.
Next week: the midseason finale, wherein we are promised all sorts of awesome stuff. Yeah, right.
Despite being plus size and proud, the effects of aging have started me questioning just how plus size I can be. I.E., high blood pressure and a right knee that hurts like a bitch. (Luxating patella, if you must know. It's a condition that Yorkshire Terriers and other small dogs are prone to. Yay me.)
I decided to stop putting off exercise and go swimming at the Y my husband belongs to. I bundled swimsuit, shampoo/conditioner and body wash, and headed out and realized:
fuck. I don't have a padlock.
Into the hardware store for a padlock with keys.
I get to the Y, go to the elevators--the pools and Aquatic office are on the 2nd floor. The 2nd floor is mostly other non-profits, so I ask several people where the Aquatic office is. I find it, and am sat down until the guy is found. I'm in the wrong place; the women's dressing room has been moved to the 3rd floor. I get on the elevator, and find the 3rd floor button is covered up.
So I go to the 4th floor, which is the gym proper, and wander around asking people how to get to the third floor. Because no one on that floor is in their offices. Nobody knows. Finally one guy says to take the elevator on the left. I do, but the button doesn't light, and I end up on the 2nd floor again.
I am righteously pissed. After procrastinating for months, I finally get my shit together, and I CAN'T get to the damn pool!
So, back in the elevator up to the 4th floor. I walked down stairs to the 3rd floor, no entry, knocked repeatedly. Crickets. So I go back up and find another flight of stairs. No entry. I pound on the door as hard as I can. Crickets. I am starting to think this was a seriously bad decision.
What chlorinated hell is this?
I go back up, scout the floor, and find a stairs that don't look like fire stairs! They're steps to the third floor! Yay!
THE THIRD FLOOR MEN'S DRESSING ROOM.
As old guys scuttle to cover up, a security person escorts me out. I'm almost in tears, telling him I am just trying to get to the goddamn womens' dressing room. First I go to the towel desk, get two fresh towels, find a locker, etc. But I can't open the package the lock is in.
Back to the towel desk, ask for a pair of scissors, cut open the package, go down, get everything arranged, in my bathing suit and two towels, find the door to the pool-!
Go to the pool to see a sign that you have to wear a bathing cap. Shit. There are these blue elastic headthings, but for some reason the one I pick doesn't fit, and I look and it says: Shoe Covers.
Back to the towel desk, ask can I buy a swim cap. I have to go to the 1st floor membership desk.
Back to locker, put pants and shoes on, down to the desk, buy a swim cap, but not before the guy asks to see my guest pass. "This is all you've got?" he asks, but he drops it because he can see the murder in my eyes.
Finally, I get myself, towels and tote bag to the pool, and get in the water.
Sam
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