Is Exercising Too Much To Ask? Apparently The Answer Is Yes

Despite being plus size and proud, the effects of aging have started me questioning just how plus size I can be.  I.E., high blood pressure and a right knee that hurts like a bitch. (Luxating patella, if you must know. It's a condition that Yorkshire Terriers and other small dogs are prone to.  Yay me.) 

I decided to stop putting off exercise and go swimming at the Y my husband belongs to.  I bundled swimsuit, shampoo/conditioner and body wash, and headed out and realized: fuck. I don't have a padlock. 

Into the hardware store for a padlock with keys.  

I get to the Y, go to the elevators--the pools and Aquatic office are on the 2nd floor.  The 2nd floor is mostly other non-profits, so I ask several people where the Aquatic office is.  I find it, and am sat down until the guy is found.  I'm in the wrong place; the women's dressing room has been moved to the 3rd floor.  I get on the elevator, and find the 3rd floor button is covered up. 

So I go to the 4th floor, which is the gym proper, and wander around asking people how to get to the third floor. Because no one on that floor is in their offices.  Nobody knows.  Finally one guy says to take the elevator on the left.  I do, but the button doesn't light, and I end up on the 2nd floor again. I am righteously pissed.  After procrastinating for months, I finally get my shit together, and I CAN'T get to the damn pool!  

So, back in the elevator up to the 4th floor.  I walked down stairs to the 3rd floor, no entry, knocked repeatedly.  Crickets.  So I go back up and find another flight of stairs.  No entry.  I pound on the door as hard as I can.  Crickets.  I am starting to think this was a seriously bad decision.  

What chlorinated hell is this?

 I go back up, scout the floor, and find a stairs that don't look like fire stairs!  They're steps to the third floor!  Yay! THE THIRD FLOOR MEN'S DRESSING ROOM. 

As old guys scuttle to cover up, a security person escorts me out.  I'm almost in tears, telling him I am just trying to get to the goddamn womens' dressing room.  First I go to the towel desk, get two fresh towels, find a locker, etc.  But I can't open the package the lock is in. 

Back to the towel desk, ask for a pair of scissors, cut open the package, go down, get everything arranged, in my bathing suit and two towels, find the door to the pool-!  

Go to the pool to see a sign that you have to wear a bathing cap.  Shit.  There are these blue elastic headthings, but for some reason the one I pick doesn't fit, and I look and it says: Shoe Covers. 

Back to the towel desk, ask can I buy a swim cap.  I have to go to the 1st floor membership desk.  

Back to locker, put pants and shoes on, down to the desk, buy a swim cap, but not before the guy asks to see my guest pass. "This is all you've got?" he asks, but he drops it because he can see the murder in my eyes. 

Finally, I get myself, towels and tote bag to the pool, and get in the water. 

And everything is okay again.

Don't Let The Backdoor Hit Your Ass On The Way Out: Supernatural "Bloodlines"

We've only got a few episodes to go until the Big Finale. By now the mytharc episodes should be coming thick and fast. Instead, the network crams "Bloodlines" down our throats.  Called a "backdoor pilot," it features five minutes of Sam and Dean, and the rest is an epic crapfest of pretty post-pubescents in fancy wardrobes.  The laughable script is one gigantic exposition dump, with the occasional make-out session.

 
"Our love is forbidden.  I'm a werewolf, and you're a shapeshifter. Wait...does that mean you can make your penis bigger?"

There are also breaks for the new lead, Ennis (Lucien Laviscount), to try to look tough and point his gun.  With Dean in the room?  Don't even try, kid.

   
thinks: "Don't let the monster know I just peed myself."

I'm not sure if I should call this the worst episode since "Man's Best Friend With Benefits" (shudder) because this is not a Supernatural episode.  I have no idea what to call it.  Soap opera with monsters?  The Vampire Diaries with terrible acting and an even worse script?  An hour-long exposition dump that made everything about monsters in the previous seasons meaningless?

Let's face it, if Sam and Dean found themselves in a city run by five monster/mobster families, they'd waste no time nuking the place.  Doesn't matter if the chilly Snake Lady is in couture, folks, she needs to die.  So does the executive who thought this up in the first place.  From the first tracking shot, it's clear that writer Andrew Dabb and director Robert Singer are way out of their element.

   
"Bob, you want us to do...what now?"

Ennis, a teenager whose girlfriend is killed by a monster (what a great parallel with Sam!) and who has Daddy issues with a mysterious father who owns a gun with silver bullets (what a great parallel with the boys!) is a cop (when the hell did they start hiring cops before their voices changed?).  Seeing Sam and Dean in all of their scruffy magnificence, and ability to act, made the whole thing even suckier.  Worse: it looked like something Dean would be secretly watching on a motel tv.

 
"Hi. We're here to make you look bad."

 
"No way I'm telling him that I've haven't gotten pubic hair yet."

For those who care, there's going to be an epic monster war (yawn), a good shapeshifter; an evil cardboard villainess; Violet (Melissa Roxburgh, who's done time on a bunch of CW shows) as a damsel in distress who can rip your throat out, and...other people.

   
For once, it's not Sam that's tied up.

But it turns out that the REAL MONSTER WHO IS KILLING MONSTERS IS A CRAZED HUMAN SEEKING REVENGE FOR HIS DAUGHTER'S MURDER!  When it looks like the villain is going to kill her beloved, Violet wolfs out and breaks the chains to attack him.  Wait...what?  Sam can't even get out of duct tape and this chick can bust out of heavy metal chains?  Oh, wait, it's not Supernatural.  My bad.

Thank god my husband woke me up for the denouement.  Tragic lovers and stuff. At the end, Dean gets a shoved-in telephone call from Castiel saying Cas has a line on Metatron!  Off to the Batmobile, Sam!

 
"Cas, can you wipe my memory of this?"

 
"Hang on, Dean--this is my last chance to make them look bad."

Next week: shit, this episode was so horrendous I was too stunned to take in the promo.