Hot Pink! Supernatural review, 9x06, "Heaven Can't Wait"

"Heaven Can't Wait" was one of the best episodes of what has been, overall, an excellent season.  I flat-out loved it.  Perhaps because this was by a new writer, Robert Berens.  The overall mythology arc was smoothly handled in small amounts and not jammed in arbitrarily ("Slumber Party," anyone?)   The A-plot and B-plot wove together nicely, providing crucial moments of growth for several of the characters.  It had humor, pacing, drama, and a large dollop of manpain.

I'm probably one of the only viewers who enjoys the episodes where Dean and Sam are separated.  It's refreshing to watch how each of them interacts with other characters.  The A-plot is Dean and Castiel; the B-plot is Sam and Crowley. Let's start with the obvious.  Dean is being a real asshole.   They can't use the word on the show, but it's my review and I calls it as I sees it.  Another complaint: Sam has been combing his hair with guck.


Girlfriend is bustin' out the Brylcreem

At a Gas-n-Sip in Idaho, Castiel is earning Best Employee of the Millennium.  He's known as "Steve" (no Clarence? MEEGGGG!).  We watch him happily make his morning rounds, filling the coffee urns, putting in the cash drawer, and just being too adorable in a dorky blue vest.  His boss is a blonde hottie (when she first entered, I groaned inwardly, anticipating sweet, sweet loving that wouldn't end up with Cas killed).  She finds his toothbrush, etc. in the supply room, and his sleeping bag in the back.  Cas says that he likes to stay late to do inventory.  He totes has a home with a bed in it. 

Despite this, she asks him if he's free the next night, saying it's so hard to meet a great guy these days, especially since she's a single mom.  She tells him to be at her house at 7 the following night and gives him a quick kiss.

Back at the bunker, Kevin has managed to translate the angel tablet into a dead language, so it's time for everybody to hit the books!

After a suicidal guy is blown to smithereens by a guy with a cross earring, Cas calls Dean.  Brusquely, Cas tells Dean there's a case. Sam says if there's a case, he should come along, but Dean waves him off with an excuse--who cares what by now.  He doesn't dare have Zeke and Cas in the same vicinity. Dean flees the bunker faster than a weasel on crack. Suicidal guy has coated his abode with a moist hot pink bleeccch.


"I know it's vaporized human, but dang, this would be a great color for my kid's bedroom."

Dean hustles to Rexford, Idaho, and goes straight to the Gas-n-Sip.  Where, to no one's surprise, Castiel is none too pleased to see his former BFF.


"Hello, Dean. Fuck off and die."

Dean wastes no time re-establishing his asshole cred by belittling Castiel's job.   He assumes it's because of "the girl."  But Castiel is proud of how he does his job.  "You're better than this," Dean claims.  Oh, yeah, a guy with no money, no resume and no fixed address has so many options.  Pot, meet kettle.  Cas says his work has human dignity, but Dean says, "Wow. So you went from fighting heavenly battles to nuking taquitos." "Nachos, too," Cas adds.

Meanwhile, a teen is wailing into her cell because her boyfriend had the gall to break up with her in real time, instead of Facebook.  Heh.   She turns, and Earring Boy puts his hand on her and she explodes in a cloud of hot pink liquid.  Wow, that sentence came out SO much more porny than I meant.  When Dean and Cas arrive, Cas freaks.  This is the work of a Rit Zein, the angels that put wounded angels out of their misery on the battlefield.  A Rit Zein has never been on Earth, so they have no clue as to the ebb and flow of human emotion.  All they feel is the pain.  Because Middle America is one big cauldron of despair, this angel will be racking up a triple-digit body count in no time.

Taking a brief break from being an asshole, Dean drives Cas to his date and helps him prep.  It's a really sweet scene.  Whatever their situation, Dean and Cas have great chemistry.  Dean convinces him to ditch the blue vest, and unbutton his shirt.  At the door, Cas waves Dean away like an embarrassed teen.  Only to find out that the hottie has a date, but not with him.  He's been tricked into babysitting.  "She never cries," the hottie assures him.  As soon as she's out the door, the baby starts yowling.


COULD THIS BE ANY CUTER???

Cas quiets the baby by singing the theme song to "Greatest American Hero," which is a tad anvilicious, but who cares?  (Note: the original script called for Cas to sing "Highway To Hell," but there were apparently budget problems.  Damn!!)  That Misha Collins manages to sing in Castiel's deep, growly voice is a real achievement.  When the baby won't stop crying, Cas rocks it back and forth, taking the opportunity to meditate how hard it is to negotiate a big, frightening world.

Back at the bunker, Sam is trying to get Crowley to translate the dead language.  The dynamic between Sam and Crowley has changed.  Sam is in charge now, and can walk away and shut the doors on Crowley any time he damn well pleases.  Crowley fakes being conciliatory, but then throws the balled-up paper in Sam's face.  Sam says he's going to hand over Crowley to Abbadon.  "She's scarier than you've been in years," he snarks. 

Crowley says he'll do it, for one phone call.  "Even Dahmer got a phone call," he points out.  Sam puts a bowl on the table and prepares to draw blood, but Crowley wants Kevin's blood.  Once the blood is boiling, Crowley discovers the hell of voice-mail, hell style.  "I've been put on hold," he grumps. Once he is put through to Abbadon, they have a satisfyingly nasty conversation.  She is voiding his contracts, taking souls before their time.  While he fumes, she snarls that he is "King of the Bureaucrats."  Abbadon intends to tear apart Crowley's orderly Hades.  I was reminded of "Season Seven, Time For A Wedding!" when Crowley admonishes a demon, "This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell!  We have a little thing
called integrity!"


"If I was Hannibal Lecter, you'd be scared out of your panties."


"I go commando, you pussy!"

Crowley translates the "doodles," and it's not good news.  Metatron's spell is irreversible.  Not that Crowley gives a fuck.  While Sam and Kevin are hyperventilating over this latest turn, Crowley palms the syringe that Kevin used.

The baby has a fever.  Earring Boy, aka Ephram shows up, presumably drawn by her pain.  But no, it's Cas he's there for.  He speechifies about how Castiel was once legendary, but has failed at everything.  His pain can be heard for miles.  Ephram berates Cas for choosing to be human.  But before Ephram can blast Cas into a big spray of pink liquid (okay, here comes the fanfic--geez, another double entendre--what is it with this episode?), Dean busts in with an angel blade.  The reason is too convoluted to explain.  You wanna know, watch the show.

Ephram does the de rigeur move of throwing Dean across the room, but Dean slides the angel blade across the floor to Cas.  Who promptly dispatches Ephram, earring and all.  It feels peremptory, as if there was a missing scene. 

Somehow, Dean and Cas manage to clean up the mess and hide the dead body before the single mom returns.  She tells Cas that he's "special" because he cares, or something to that effect.  Cas gets into the Impala with Dean.

Bunker: Sam is washing the blood bowl, when he spots something awry with his junkie kit.  A syringe is missing.  He heads to where Crowley is and peeks around the door.  To see Crowley injecting Kevin's blood, then sitting back, sighing with relief. What does this mean?  Is Kevin's prophet blood somehow purer than Sam's blood?  Is Kevin's blood helping Crowley get back to his demonic self?

The next morning, Cas is still in the Impala with Dean, and a million shippers go nuts on tumblr.  Dean compliments Cas on adapting, gives him a half-assed apology for throwing his BFF out, and then lies to Cas about the angel spell.  Cas feels he should accompany Dean to help save the angels. "You're human now, you let me and Sam take care of the angels."  That's DeanSpeak for "I don't want you anywhere near my brother, sorry, pal.  And I'll conveniently forget that you're Heaven's most wanted.  See ya!"


Yes, Dean, we're all done with this crap, too.

Between Dean and Ephram, Castiel's self-esteem has been ground finer than sand,  With an air of defeat, he starts his day. He flips on the overhead TV and hears newsmen talking about the "meteor shower."  He turns it off.  The episode ends with Cas sadly staring at the sky.


“Thanks for ruining my life, Dean.  Again."

Zeke didn't show up for this episode, so no drinking game.
 However, here's:

Yucky gratuitous angel nudity

Castiel had better strip down again, because it's getting harder to find GAN pics.  On the upside, there's always Jared Padalecki.

Supernatural Ep. 9x05 Review, "Dog Dean Afternoon" Sex, Dogs and Rock & Roll

After three heavy-duty myth arc episodes (and one stinker), it's off to Crazytown!  Written by Eric Charmelo and Nicole Snyder and directed by Tim Andrew, this could have been a disaster.  Instead, it's hilarious, with a wealth of great gags.  As Eric Charmelo tweeted, "it's full of LOL wackadoo goodness".

Anyone who saw the promos knows the basic premise is that Dean not only mind-melds with a dog, he becomes a dog.  Barking at the mailman, playing fetch, scratching himself behind the ears, even getting the hots for a French poodle. This episode highlights how Supernatural can mix gross and funny like no other show.  (Sorry, Walking Dead.  But you do get to swear and have ten times the yuuuuuccch factor.) 

Jensen Ackles rarely gets to go all out and show his comedy chops.  Especially the past few seasons.  Here he plays the hell out of the part, and Jared does well as the straight man.

"THEN" gets the Zeke business out of the way, then a montage of clips from comic episodes from "Yellow Fever" to "Monster Movie" rushes by.  Any montage that has Sam saying, "I lost my shoe" has me from the jump.

Don't worry, we can still play the Sam/Zeke drinking game!  To recap: every time Sam gets knocked unconscious or hurt and Zeke shows up, take a shot.  Every time Sam wakes up all "bzuh?", take a shot.  Every time Dean tells an even more convoluted lie, take a shot.  Every time Zeke brings someone back from the dead or heals Sam, take a shot.

"Dog Dean Afternoon" opens with a taxidermist combing the fur of a rodent dressed as a "Game Of Thrones" character.  Hee. The weirdest one is the Daenerys Targaryen rodent, complete with long white wig and off the shoulder dress.  His German Shepard, Colonel, growls and barks at a mysterious stranger, a dude with a cowboy hat and forked tongue, who proceeds to squeeze the taxidermist to death.  This is seen through a scrim, and looks bizarrely sexual.  The episode is packed with the bizarrely sexual.

Cut to the usual Sam/Dean bullshit about Sam finding a case, Dean saying he's too weak yada yada (don't forget to take that first shot).  At the crime scene, they find out that the guy who disposes of the interiors of the animals found the slop box empty.  Usually, the guy says, "it's chock full a' guts." *snort*
Sammy is going to sleep with this next to his pillow.

Then we get the first real treat of the episode: THE BOYS IN A GROTTY HOTEL ROOM!!!
With obligatory purposeless room divider, no less

Shortly after their arrival, the same Evil Dude In The Cowboy Hat (Steven Valentine) pretends to be from a perfume company (probably one that proclaims nothing was tested on animals). He bribes an animal hospital attendant. Evil Dude goes to the cat section and wrestles all of the cats into a bag.  The attendant, hearing the noise, arrives just in time to see Evil Dude gulping down a kitty like a snake.  Evil Dude In The Cowboy Hat grows claws and slashes the kid to death. 

Aw, blood spatter, how I've missed thee.

At the animal shelter, Sam and Dean realize that Colonel the dog was a witness to both murders.  Sam calls Kevin for a spell to--well, you know.  Kevin is the new Bobby, because D.J. Qualls is too busy with his own series to even warrant a mention.  Sam mixes the potion, Dean downs it and says the spell, and soon he and the Colonel are arguing about classic rock.  (Colonel is voiced by Al Rodrigo.)

The shit would have hit the fan if the dog liked Perry Como

It's back to the shelter, but not before Dean discovers pigeon shit on Baby.  And a foul-mouthed pigeon ready to blast Baby again.  Dean whips out his gun--no one defiles Baby--but Sam pulls him into the car, after a friendly wave to aghast bystanders.
Dean prepares to go all Sons of Anarchy on the bird

Outside the animal shelter, Dean's eye is caught by a beautiful French poodle.  With a pink leash and collard, and pink ribbons on her ears.  As Dean stares at her, first flirtatiously and then seriously turned on, the music in his head goes from romantic to bom-chica-wow-wow.  Yes, Dean wants to pork a poodle.  Heh.
"Some day, my prince will come..."


"He's here, baby.  Don't worry, I dig the whole collar and leash thing."

Sam grabs Dean away before things can get even more weirdly sexual.  I warned you at the top of this review, didn't I? In the shelter, the dogs all have cartoon voices (Jared Padalecki tweeted his disappointment). There are some great gags. "Shaking the fence, boss, shaking the fence" from Cool Hand Luke, "I need a Raquel Welch poster and a rock hammer" from Shawshank Redemption.  They're getting nowhere, until a Southern accent calls out, "Hey, pretty boy!" at Dean.  A flamboyantly gay Yorkshire terrier (voiced by Leslie Jordan of American Horror Story) saw the whole thing.  But he's not telling them a thing until the "big one" gives the dog a belly rub.
"Oh, baby, you got magic hands...boom chicka-bow-wow"

More weirdly sexual stuff. The Yorkie really gets off by have Sam rub his belly.  As would we all. (Did Sam's hands accidentally stray lower?  Boy, that Yorkie better be neutered. Have you ever seen a dog boner?  *Shudder*)  They get the info they need, and put the protesting dog back in his cage. "I'm not above licking feet. Hey, big'un! Come back here!" Dean can't help it: he releases all of the dogs from their cages.  "Bacon bacon bacon!" cries a golden retriever.  If you've seen those commercials, you'll get the joke.  The Yorkie saw a bag the Evil Dude In The Cowboy Hat carried.  It was labeled Avant-Garde Cuisine.

Long story short, the boys break into the restaurant.  Sam discovers a drawerful of medications.  When they are caught by a sous-chef and a waiter, Sam and Dean pretend to be surprise health inspectors and get rid of both of them.  What no-one seems to notice is that the waiter is carrying a tray with octopus tentacles and a shark fin!



Sharktopus! Quick, get Eric Roberts on the phone!

They find Evil Dude in the Cowboy Hat, aka Chef Leo.  He has stage 4 cancer, and has been ingesting animal guts along with a side of Shamanism to give himself strength.  He slashes Sam's jugular, but Zeke shows up (shot!) and heals Sam's neck (shot!) then Sam collapses (shot!).  When Sam comes to, Chef Leo demands, "What are you?" Sam goes "bzuh?" (SHOT!).  Chef Leo knocks him out, and ties Dean up.


Chef Leo is enjoying tying up Dean way too much.

"Screw Sharktopus, I'm going to eat your brother!"  Chef Leo exclaims.  By now my mind is so deep into the gutter I'm wondering exactly what body parts Evil Chef is going to chomp off.

ANYWAY, Chef Leo has the usual villain's exposition dump, Dean frees himself, Chef ingests a wolf heart and grows big funny looking fangs.  Dean runs outside and sics an entire pack of dogs on Chef Leo.  They tear him to bits.  Dean runs back to Sam and shakes him awake.  "Don't make me lick your damn face!"  Heh.

Later: Colonel is adopted by a couple who run a vegan bakery.  They were in the episode earlier, but come on, I've only got so much room.  As an honorary dog, Colonel feels that Dean needs to know the big secret about dogs.  They're not really man's best friend, they were put here to--ARF ARF!  The spell has worn off.  Just in time to save Dean from sniffing anyone's butt.

At the end, for the umpteenth time, Sam, who is under a stupidity spell, questions Dean about what happened.  Why did Chef Leo ask what Sam was?  What happened to all of the blood on Sam's neck?    What the hell, dude?  Dean's lies are really getting stupid.  Rather than saying, "You shittin' me, bitch?" Sam gets in the car, and they drive off.  AND we are once again treated to the Dean face of crushing guilt.


Dean is really done with this crap.

And now that you are all good and drunk: Gratuitous angel nudity!

Next week, most of the cast is actually going to show up in the bunker!  Let joy be unconfined!

And now, for our PSA: The Yorkie was queer-shaming! The bestiality was disgusting and an insult to animal lovers everywhere! Dean is bi!  How can he get together with a poodle?  The writers are destroying my OTP!  Besides, the presentation of the poodle was sexist! Show doesn't care about us!  We're only ratings cattle! Show hates vegans!

Ahhh, that's better.

Something Boring This Way Comes - Review of Supernatural S9x04 "Slumber Party"

First, I want to propose that we start a drinking game.  Every time Sam gets knocked unconscious and Zeke shows up, take a shot.  Every time Sam wakes up all "bzuh?", take a shot.  Every time Dean tells an even more convoluted lie, take a shot.  Every time Zeke brings someone back from the dead, take a shot.  By the end of the episode, you'll be good and drunk.  Which would make "Slumber Party" infinitely more enjoyable than the choppy mess it is.

Written by the usually reliable Robbie Thompson and directed by Bob Singer, "Slumber Party"s premise is to mix the Winchesters with that most magical place, Oz.  The show sends a fair amount of time destroying the basic plot line of the books, and turning L. Frank Baum into yet another crappy father. What is it with these writers and their goddamn daddy issues? 

For the record, L. Frank Baum had four sons. He was a supporter of women's suffrage, and all of the Oz books he wrote featured heroines, not heroes.  TMI, but the least they could have done was have Dorothy's back story make some kind of sense.

The show blew the budget on absolutely stunning visual effects.  They certainly didn't spend it on the script.  The beginning is beautifully shot in black and white, a shout-out to the original movie.  It's 1935.  Two men open and start the Batcave.  Their first visitor: Dorothy from Oz, a tough customer in a leather jacket, dragging the Wicked Witch in a bag behind her.
Guess what?  This is the best part of the episode! Wah-wah...

The dialogue has no relation to the 1930s, particularly when Dorothy refers to her "lady parts."   Using the same maneuver the Alpha Vamp used in "Caged Heat," the Witch saws through her binding with a long fingernail.  Chasing the Witch into the lab, Dorothy works a spell that binds her soul with the witch's, and they end up in a jar.
"BWAHAGLAURYEEEEEAAW"


"I scared the crap out of generations of children and you replace me with a gurgling freak?"

The present day.  There is some ludicrous dialogue about Kevin being in a warded motel room (?) and Cas having disappeared.  My brain already hurts.  Sam wants to build angel finding equipment to keep Cas safe.  How come Sam hasn't put two and two together and said, "Dean, this is the safest place on earth.  Why isn't Cas here?"  I'm guessing Dean isn't too wild about the angel finder, because the first angel it will spot is Zeke. I gather that much of the show was shot during Creation's Salute To Supernatural in October.  It can be seen in Jensen Ackles's and Jared Padalecki's performances.  Thank God they're both so gorgeous.  Even though they're phoning it in, at least one can still look at them.  Dare I note that Jared Padalecki's Twitter feed was half as long as usual?

Down in the MOL basement, the brothers discover a circa-1950s room-sized computer.  Dean knocks over a bottle containing the soul goo.  Oopsie.  To make the computer work, they call in Charlie Bradbury.   Usually she's cool, but in "Slumber Party" she's teeth-gratingly cute.  Conveniently, before Charlie can flip the switch and Zeke lights up like a Christmas bulb, they find a giant cocoon containing Dorothy and guess who--!  She Who Speaks Gobbledegook!   She escapes by streaming into the air vents, like most of the monsters, demons and assorted things.  At least her smoke is bright green.  She finds her way into the dungeon, where Crowley sits in front of a huge metal table.
"Someone remembered I'm on the show!"

As another reviewer pointed out: a table?  Why?  Crowley doesn't even have a deck of cards.  Why doesn't he scrape part of the devil's trap away with a table leg?  There's no point in his being in this episode, just as there's no point in having the Winchesters exposition dump during a hunt so that we know why Sam doesn't feel like the Batcave is a home.  We already know from the jump that Sam will end up saying, "There's no place like home" (watch the actors trying to keep a straight face).



They run around the Batcave until the Witch shows up in Dean's room, where she zaps Charlie dead.  What KILLED me about this scene (pardon the pun), is that Dean gets 1,000 times more upset than when Cas died. Uh, Cas?  BFF? Purgatory?  Never mind, I already bitched about that in my previous review. They go to a commercial break so we can return to see Dean cradling Charlie in his arms!


"This is so much worse than when my dearest friend/soulmate died. I don't know why, but it is."

Dean yells, "ZEKE!" as Sam charges in (take a shot).  Zeke brings Charlie back to life (take a shot).  Sam/Zeke collapse.  (shot!) Both Charlie and Sam wake up going "bzuh"? (double shot!)  Dean tells an obviously bullshit lie that both can see through (shot!).

There's a lot of running around and shouting and we see the cool MOL garage where Dorothy keeps her bike--with the Tin Man's head in it.  Way to harsh my mellow, show.  Dorothy shows Charlie the extremely modern LaBoutin stiletto heels that will kill the Witch.  But She Who Speaks Gobbledygook has possessed Sam and Dean! Their eyes turn green!  Their voices sound like those distorted voices crime reality shows use! (I burst out laughing at this point.)  I mean, c'mon, guys, you're not even trying at this point.  "We Must Find The Girls And Kill Them," one of the Winchesters robots. 

They do, they try, they fail. The Witch has cast a spell that has her grunting like a hog, and then squealing like a pig when the magic door to Oz opens.  Again, the VFX guys did crazy good work here.

"AUGHURHBURBLEEEEEOOOOOORRRRBLERG!"

But just in the nick of time, Charlie and her magical Laboutins kill the Witch!  Oz is saved!  Sort of! At the end, Charlie joins Dorothy on her quest to save Oz, and they walk away down the Yellow
Brick Road.




I turned off my TV and sat back with the current issue of Entertainment Weekly.  There's no place like home.


Since there is no gratuitous angel nudity this week you'll have to make do with this. Rawr!

Dean Gets Pie, Cas Gets Laid - Supernatural Season 9, Episode 3, "I'm No Angel"

Is it okay that I got insanely excited when DEAN GOT PIE?  The poor man never gets his pie.  I was dreading this episode, because this is the same team who brought you "Man's Best Friend With Benefits", which combined racism, sexism and bestiality, and not in a fun way.  Where's Larry David when you need him?

This ep was far better, even as it retconned canon.  But then, I'm getting used to that.  One thing "Supernatural" is doing well are callbacks to earlier seasons, which helps stitch the series into a more unified whole.  It also explores aspects of faith, unlike Season 7, which was more or less about...I'm not sure what, except there were these badly CGI'd mouthed things that wanted to cure cancer and eat everybody.

"I'm No Angel", which I will always hear Mae West's voice drawling, filled in the missing third of the triangle, the journey of human Cas.  Everybody except the Winchesters wants him dead.

"Hello, I'm Bartholomew.  I'm your angelic nemesis this season. This is my one facial expression."

Doesn't he remind you of every German villain in every action picture of the 80s? Only thing missing is the accent.  And being any sort of threatening.  I want to see Abbadon eat him for breakfast.  Literally.

"THEN" reminds us that reapers are serious personnel in black coats. Death didn't need to have them possess anyone. They just were. Rogue reapers, on the other hand, look like extras in "Law And Order." After Death's fantastic appearance in the premiere, he needs to show up and solemnly kick some reaper ass.

"NOW" Castiel, calling himself "Clarence" (MEEEGGGG!) is homeless and on the run.  Living in a shelter and picking up trash for a church, he discovers that the priests have been tortured and killed, their eyes burned out.  Time to move on.

Quibble: why are their eyes burned out?  Nobody else who watches angels die/possess/show up gets their eyes burned out any more.   Buddy Boyle (a very funny actor whose name I can't find on IMDB) watches a vessel be possessed and then explode, and his eyes remain intact, although seriously bugged out.  Boyle is a televangelist who has thrown his lot in with Bartholomew, believing he is doing the Lord's work.

Meanwhile, in the Batcave, Sam is back to his old self, more cheerful than we've seen in a long, long time.  (He sure didn't look this happy when he was with Amelia.)   The chemistry between the brothers when they're getting along is so much more fun than when they're fighting.  Drama is conflict, yeah, but they're surrounded by drama.  Let 'em have a little fun and some greasy eggs (and PIE). Nah.  Ezekiel shows up and spoils everything.
"Sorry, Dean, but I need to shut this party down."

The way Jared Padalecki seems to effortlessly switch back and forth between Zeke and Sam is excellent acting no I'm not staring obsessively at Jared Padalecki.  Zeke informs Dean that a faction of angels is organizing to find and kill Cas.  He leaves, and Sam continues without a beat back into what he was saying before Zeke took over.  Zeke is getting entirely too comfortable with taking over Sam's meatsuit, and Dean is getting increasingly uncomfortable with having to lie to his brother.  Plus, his lies are getting more outrageous as he frantically tries to cover up all sorts of messes.

Bart hires a rogue reaper, who looks more homeless than Cas, to find the ex-angel by following the Winchesters.  Of course the brothers find and overpower the reaper, then kill him.  Good times.

Cas learning to be human is sad and funny.  He finds urinating repetitive, eats toothpaste, and learns the many ways a human body can be difficult.  Cold, hungry, and farting.  Heh.  There are a few cliched lines about "the most generous are the ones with the least to give." Try telling that to the crackheads in my neighborhead.

But just when you think he's getting too pathetic, an angel shows up to off Cas.  Cas is wounded, but the angel's shock at finding Cas human is enough of a diversion for Cas stab the angel to death.  And Cas looks like he really enjoys it. 

There's an interesting sub-sub-plot that the few beings that find out Cas's true situation get killed before they can convey that information.  The only huh? with Cas's plight is that his blue shirt remains spotless and pressed throughout his adventures (except for the blood from the angel fight).  I'm obsessed with staring at Misha Collins observant.  Cas ends up in Chinatown, staring at food, and because this is Supernatural, staring at a woman's huge breasts.


Cas discovers a) he has working genitals b) he's been hanging around Dean Winchester way too long

Instead of food, he gets a tattoo to conceal himself from the angels.  One touching scene has Cas sitting in a Catholic church, having a conversation with a woman who has been praying for her sick husband. (Disclaimer: I'm an atheist, which is just one of the reasons I get such a kick out of this show.)  Cas tries to tell her the truth about God and Heaven, but she isn't having any.  She tells him that he would feel better if "[he] would try it my way."  I've had variations of this conversation since...forever.


Yeah, lady, wait until an angel possesses you and you explode.

When Cas is going through garbage cans, smelling a pickle and deeming it not fit to eat (hee), he is approached by April, a pretty young thing who offers him a sandwich.  Later, she finds him in her doorway, huddling in the rain.  The scenes between them are pretty maudlin, although why she lets a homeless guy into her apartment who's been in a knife fight is just weird.  Unless it's because he  looks like Misha Collins.  I was hoping that when Cas first kisses April, he finds having a tongue in his mouth bizarre.  But, why should I complain when we get shirtless!Cas.
Gratuitous angel semi-nudity before:


Gratuitous angel semi-nudity after

They get busy a few more times, until the next morning, when he discovers that April is a reaper.  She goes all Saint Sebastian on his ass, until the Winchesters bust in.
 
Supernatural: Pleasing fans who love to see cute guys tortured since 2005.

April stabs Cas to death.  The for realz kind.  I expected Dean to lose his shit a lot more than he did at finding his soulmate dead.  He looks shocked and sad, but when you've watched him cry over dead Sam a few times, Cas deserves at least a hug. (Side note: JP is better at playing dead than MC.)

April throws Sam around--the poor bastard is getting thrown around more in these past three episodes than Seasons 1 and 2 combined--before Zeke takes over, heals Cas, brings him back to life, then collapses. Dean babbles yet another lie to Sam and Cas as to what happened.

Back at the Batcave, Cas is as happy as a clam.  Great water pressure, burritos, Dean and Sam...that means it's going to be major suckage very, very soon. 

Sure enough, Zeke appears and tells Dean that Cas must be expelled from the Batcave, because it's too dangerous to have him around.  If Dean doesn't kick Cas to the curb pronto, Zeke leaves, Sam dies.

Okay, here are my BIG problems with this:

1) They've got Kevin, Prophet of the Lord and Crowley, King of Hell holed up in the Batcave...and Cas is too dangerous to have around?  Cas, without whom Dean would not leave Purgatory?  Cas, who Dean needed so much that it broke Naomi's spell??  Cas, who is uber-family?  WTF?

2) Dean is bad ass.  As in Bad Ass Mother Fucker.  Sam is his weakness, but I can't believe for a minute that Dean caves that easily.  He's too smart not to know that he has battled his way through every situation, been to Hell and back.  And now that Zeke threatens to take his marbles and go home, Dean throws Cas out?

Cas's kicked-puppy face when Dean tells him to leave is heartbreaking.  However, that moment is exactly when the show ends.  Maybe it's just me being a cockeyed optimist, but there might be yet another twist a-comin'.

Bird Of A Feather - Review, Supernatural S9x2, "Devil May Care"

Before I go into any more detail about Season 9's Episode 2, "Devil May Care," I want to point out something that nobody else seems to have caught. In that glorious moment when Ezekiel takes over Sam: EZEKIEL HAS WINGS!  Tattered wings with feathers falling off, but HE HAS WINGS! Every angel that fell from Heaven lost their wings--except Ezekiel.  This must be an intentional choice on the part of the show.  I'm not going to go into the myriad explanations for it, because I believe there will be an explanation down the road, and I am dying to know what it is.

In the meantime, let's review the episode, shall we?  Directed by Guy Norman Bee and written by Andrew Dabb, the basic premise for "Devil May Care" seemed to be: throw everything at the wall and see what sticks.  Following the Season 9 premiere, this episode had one thing that shouldn't have bugged me, but did, because it's so early in the season: too many characters.

First, there's the resurrected Abbadon, that gorgeous Lauren Bacall from Hell, one of Lucifer's Knights, and her first demon squad.  "Granny Demon" steals the scene, backtalking at her new boss.
Don't give me shit, young lady!

(I can't find the name of the actress on IMDB or in any of the live tweets.) Amazed that "the salesman" has taken over Hell, Abbadon, a fiery warrior, intends to return it to its full glory:
The good old days, when there were...bunnies?

The first thing she does is replace the old vessels with a bunch of young soldiers on shore leave.  Jeez, just when you think you're gonna get laid, you get someone in your body who's hot in all the wrong ways. (Interesting point: these demons are all inhabiting dead bodies.  That's unusually altruistic. Maybe they should stop smoking into live people and truck on down to the city morgue.)

Second, there are a bunch of redshirt hunters being rounded up and tortured so Abbadon can find the Winchesters.  To make it even more confusing, there's some who have real dialogue. (Side-note: I love Paul Rae, who plays Irv.)  Then there's a young women in Daisy Dukes, who's a hunter, not just an anonymous babe.  Oh, forget it, she is an anonymous babe.  Has anyone ever noticed that the show's casting people have a thing for tiny brunettes?
All you need to know about this character

Third there's Kevin, Crowley, Dean, Sam and Ezekiel.  Damn, no nude Cas. Every episode needs nude Cas.  Really, how did we go 8 seasons without knowing what a rocking vessel Cas had? 

The script has many great moments, and hilarious lines.  On leaving a deserted, contaminated town, Dean announces, "Burgers and Silkwood showers for everyone!"

"Devil May Care" Plot for Dummies:

1. Dean has Crowley stashed in the Impala's trunk.  Priceless.  When Crowley starts to say his signature line, "Hello, boys," Dean punches him before he can get the second word out.  Heh.   He and Sam take the King of Hell back to the Batcave.  When Kevin finds out that Crowley is alive, Kevin completely loses his shit.  Told to keep away from Crowley (spoiler alert!), Kevin goes straight to the dungeon.  Crowley goads Kevin into beating the crap out of him, taunting him with the idea that Mama Tran might still be alive--please, please let this be true--and Kevin decides to leave the Batcave.  Only to be stopped by Mama Dean, who tells the tormented lad, that not only is he family, "we would die for you."  What?  Did they really need that line?  Something tells me...

Big Bad: "It's either you or Kevin!"
Dean: "I'll wait in the car." (Leaves to feel crushing guilt over yet another bad decision)

This gives Osric Chau a chance to go from funny to homicidal to a muddy puddle of exhaustion and confusion.  Not to mention constipated.  Heh.  As always, Mark Sheppard is a pleasure to watch.  And I share his desire to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier, putting the S-A-M into S&M. Rowr.

2. As part of her demonic plan to take over Hell (pun intended), Abbadon lures the boys into an obvious trap (it's gotten so that when one of the boys says, "You know this is a trap?" the other nods.  No big.)  with two kidnapped hunters.  Babe and  IRV! 

Remember me in "House"? No? "True Grit?" I'm Paul Rae, bitches!

3.  Anonymous babe is royally pissed at Sam.  His releasing Lucifer from his cage got her parents slaughtered by a celebrating demon.  One thing I've loved about this season and the last is all of the callbacks to earlier seasons, giving Season 9 a sense of continuity.   Irv reveals that he ratted out the hunters' names to Abbadon, and promptly gets shot.  IRV!  Oh, how I wanted him to be a continuing character!  As I wrote before, Show has an gift of writing interesting background characters.  He may be there for expository purposes, but he's a great character and I would have loved him to be, say the new Bobby.  It's a stretch, true, but aside from a scene where Kevin humiliates a (female) soldier into letting the boys investigate a crime scene, he'd be better off staying a prophet and not the go-to guy for...everything.  Besides, who else would beat the tar out of Crowley?

When the boys enter the empty, waste-contaminated town, they split up, Dean taking Babe, Sam taking the soon-to-be dead Irv.  Dean sends Babe to get weapons out of Baby's trunk, conveniently setting the scene where Abbadon meets Dean face to face.  It's a weirdly sexy, twisted scene.  "Are we gonna fight or make out, 'cause I'm getting some real mixed signals here," Dean gasps as she breaks his shoulder.  She threatens to peel off his anti-possession tattoo and take over his body.  Which, like Sam's, is designed to be a powerful vessel.
A female character with a rockin' personality! Thank you, Andrew Dabb!

Back at the diner where the Winchesters first freed Babe and Irv, the soldier demons are smashing Sam around, having a lot of sadistic fun.  Sam gets knocked unconscious. At which AWESOME point Ezekiel takes over, leading to the images above, that cool high-pitched angel whine, and the diner explodes.  Terrified, Abbadon gets the hell out of toxic Dodge.

Some have said that Abbadon shouldn't be frightened of a mere angel.  But Crowley, the King of Hell himself, beat it out of there last season when Cas angeled up.   Dean goes to find Ezekiel, who he dubs Zeke.  There is a wonderful scene between Dean and Zeke.  Zeke's body language reminded me of a baffled parrot, the way he cocks his head in bewilderment and stares at Sam's brother.   (Seriously, is there any character Jared Padalecki can't play??)  Dean is--of course--filled with guilt that he stopped Sam from slamming the gates of Hell and that everything that happens is Dean's fault.  But Zeke tells Dean that his brother stopped the trials out of love, which embarrasses the heck out of Dean.  It's a word that never comes up between the brothers because they're big ole macho guys who don't use that language.  But Zeke cuts right through the bullshit.  He assures Dean that he is doing the right thing.  Then he gives Dean the bloody knife to "prove" to Sam that Dean took out the three demons. 

When Sam comes to, Dean tells him that's what happened.  Sam is going to start putting two and three together at some point.

At the end, Dean gives Kevin the speech about family, and Kevin goes to his room for a good cry.  The brothers have a glass of whiskey.  Sam says that he feels he has everything, and that he feels happy.  Uh-oh. Perhaps Zeke is brainwashing Sam, or perhaps Zeke is just feeling mighty good that he is inside Sam.  Lucky angel.

Punched By An Angel - Review of Supernatural S9x1, "I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here"

Now that I have watched the SPN premiere, "I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here," many several times,  it's time for a review, albeit a short one.  Everyone else has weighed in and we all know what happened.  Overall, this premiere was excellent, but there were a few glaring problems. The trajectory for the the three main characters was intriguing, and the cross-cutting between the stories kept the pace brisk.

But at the end, the show took a hard right into all-too-familiar territory.  Sam's possessed/fucked up/sick (fill in the blank)!  Dean has to keep the Big Secret from him!  Uh, guys?  How come we couldn't have had a continuation of the brotherly honesty that made "Sacrifice" so incredible??

The "Road So Far" sequence--GEORGE THOROGOOD!  I adore George Thorogood.  Nice choice!  And the title card is equally awesome: burning angel wings along with that awful high-pitched angel noise.

Sam's dying (again), and for some reason he looks beautiful on his deathbed.  He looked a hell of a lot worse in the mental hospital.  Other than the scars on his cheek, he looks fine.  Even his hair is perfect. Fatal illness...by L'oreal

The opening sequence, where Sam finds out that Bobby and Dean are in his head, and that Sam is dying, is well done.  The lurching camera angles, the odd lighting, it all works.  Sam even jokes, which is rare:
DEAN Angels aren't our problem right now, okay? Or demons, or Metatron, or whatever the hell happened to Cas.
SAM Why? Because we hugged it out in that church and – and now we're gonna go to Disneyland?

Head!Bobby points out that Sam saved the world (something he is rarely given solo credit for), that he's leaving the world a better place for being in it.  This is Sam telling himself that he is worth more than he gives himself credit for, that he has done breathtaking things. And now maybe he needs to let go.  Head!Dean shouts that Sam has to fight, not die.  But head!Dean doesn't have a plan, so he resorts to beating up his brother.  Sam is resigned to dying--he must be so tired by now--and so he sends away head!Dean with an affectionate pat on the face.

Meanwhile, back in reality, Dean is freaking out that Sam is dying, and there's nothing he can do.  He argues with the doctor, and goes into the hospital chapel to pray, first to Cas, then to any angel who is listening.  Ooops.  How many seasons does it take to convince a Winchester that angels are self-centered assholes who think humans are only good for lying to and manipulating? (None, apparently.)

Two angels show up, one of beat the crap out of Dean so he'll confess to Cas's whereabouts, and another who says "Brother, there has been too much fighting."  Bad angel punches the crap out of good angel, Dean grabs the angel blade and stabs bad angel to death.  Sucks for the married father of two kids the angel was possessing.  Did anyone else think he bore an uncanny resemblance to Grandpa Winchester?

Meanwhile, Cas finds out that being human sucks.  He's hurt jumping out of the way of a truck.  In a very pleasant surprise, the truck driver is just a regular guy, and gives Cas a lift to a gas station and some pocket money (and the truck driver ignores the various things Cas says that sound truly batshit).  I was sorry to see this character go.  SPN is excellent at creating background characters.  Cas meets another angel, Hale.  She kidnaps him to go to the Grand Canyon (a wink from the writers about what an uproar the anecdote about the Grand Canyon caused in "The Great Escapist").  Where she will possess his vessel, which is made for angel riding.  How she will get Cas to say yes puts my mind right in the gutter.  Having more experience than Hale, he knows to buckle his seat belt and cause a car crash which catapults her through the windshield.  There is a lovely bit of "Walking Dead" style grossness with her limbs surrounding her.  She threatens to tell all of the angels where Cas is, so he kills her.  Nice to know he still has reserves of BAMF to call on.
Gratuitous angel nudity

The "good" angel is named Ezekiel.  He agrees to help heal Sam, but says he is much weakened by the fall.  They go to the hospital room, but Sam is too weak.

Meanwhile, in Sam's noggin, he enters an empty rustic cabin and finds...Death.  God, I love Death.  There has been some debate about whether or not this is head!Death or the real thing.  I prefer the latter.  If Castiel could regularly invade Dean's dreams, why wouldn't Death be able to invade Sam's head?  Death is honored to be reaping Sam Winchester.  This scene made me lose it.  Validation from the oldest creature in the universe!

Back at the hospital, Ezekiel tells Dean they are out of options, and that the only way to heal both of them is for Ezekiel to take possession of Sam.  Since, as stated before, angels are lying assholes, this is going to end badly. Sam asks Death to promise that Sam cannot be resurrected in any way, shape or form, and that "nobody gets hurt" because of his death.  Death agrees, but before he and Sam ride off into the sunset, Ezekiel in the form of Dean appears and begs Sam not to die.  "It's Sam's choice," Death says reasonably.  Fake!Dean pleads, "There ain't no me if there ain't no you." * As soon as Sam says yes, PSYCH!  Ezekiel possesses Sam. "Wait, what?"

Sam, you really should have never left Stamford.  Or Kermit, Texas.

The agreement is made that Sam will not know he has an angel riding inside, and Ezekiel wipes Sam's memory. The last we see of Cas, he's in a laundromat, stripping off his clothes (YEAH! YOWZA!) intending to wash them.  Then, he catches sight of a vending machine, and someone else's clothing. He looks down at his bloody trench coat (there is a great shot from the machine's POV of Cas gazing sadly at his trench coat).   The clothes he steals are from somebody much larger.  We see him outside, in a hoodie and jeans, chugging water, and staring out at his unknown future.

The final act is yet another scene of Sam not knowing what is going on and Dean staring out the window, nearly crushed with guilt.  I was really, really hoping Dean would say yes, because how cool would Dean be if he had an angel inside him?  How many times can Jared and Jensen play this scene and not fall asleep in the middle of it?  "Dean, are you...zzzzz"
Dean is so done with this crap.

All things considered, this was an excellent season premiere.  And I'm hoping that Cas's storyline won't be so much more interesting than the path the Winchesters are on.

I should tell you now that any flaming or crazy arguments about who suffers more, Dean or Sam, will be deleted and those users blocked.

*I know a lot of fans were all over that line *THE FEELS THE FEELS* but Ezekiel has already said, "He won't say yes to me, but he will to you."

P.S. I do not use the word "feels".  There's only so much fanspeak I can manage.

Disability Political Action Groups? Damned I Can Find Any

With all of the kerfuffle about Social Security and Medicare, I'm not seeing any activist groups made up of the disabled.  We receive Social Security Disability (in my case, a pittance).  With all of the other cuts, many of us are going to be royally screwed when it comes to healthcare, food stamps, etc. etc.

Several of my caregivers no longer take Medicare.  Or, in some cases, I have to pay for services I didn't have to before this calendar year.

The language of the discussion of benefits has taken an interesting linguistic turn.  What used to be called "services"  and "benefits" are now called "entitlements."  As if people feel "entitled" to these benefits and don't deserve them.  They are no longer services, they are demands.  So now the politicians can further demonize the poor, disabled, and anyone who needs government assistance.

I thought I'd find a disability political action group protesting the upcoming cuts and the attempted rollback of the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare).  However, everything I can find is out of date, or is mostly about jobs and access.  Where is the movement?  Where is our Occupy Wall Street?  (I am trying so hard not to make the joke Occupy Wheelchair--oops.) 

If anyone can point me in the direction of a political action group, please do. 'Cause the Internet is coming up short.  And no, that's not a little people joke.  Actually, it is.