We're Off To Kill The Wizard: Review, Supernatural 10x11, "There's No Place Like Home"

In recent months, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles have been working the convention circuit relentlessly.   Videos of the panels show them having fun, cracking each other up, dancing, etc.



Video from SF Con 2015 courtesy of Shaunae Perry

"Y'all are the reason we're here," Jared says at every panel, and I'm starting to wonder if he doesn't mean the amounts J2 get paid to show up at these events.  Then they come to work and it's as if they're too tired and hungover to care.

The contrast between Jared in the show and Jared on the stage...does he even care any more?   Guest stars and series regulars with family issues are taking up the slack.  The show is only nominally about the Winchesters.  The credits should read: "Special Guest Stars: Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles".

This egregious pile of crap was shoveled on us by Robbie Thompson (who wrote the other episode about Oz, "Slumber Party") and directed by Phil Sgriccia.  It's as if the show reached out of the television and vomited directly into my brain.

THEN: A montage of Charlie Bradbury, adorably nerdy lesbian with mad computer skills and at times teeth-gratingly cute.  A montage from "Slumber Party," ending with Charlie and Dorothy going down the yellow brick road to fight a war in Oz.  Montage of Mark of Cain!Dean being murderous.  Oh, goody!  He's going to kill somebody again!  WOO-HOO!

NOW: Exterior of house, crashing noises and shouts.  A man in a bathrobe, hands bound, face bloody, tears ass out of his house.  He lands on the lawn where a dark figure looms about him.  It's--Charlie in black!  "Who doesn't love a little torture," she purrs and out!

We're in the bunker, where research!Sammy is looking for the lore on the Mark which we've already been told doesn't exist.  Hello...how about THE BIBLE?  Instead, having finished Catcher In The Rye, he's moved on to The Fountainhead. Dean is preventing the MOC from taking over by gagging down white-egg omelets, 8 hours of "rack time," every night, and no drinking.


"Dude, you will not believe how shitty this episode is gonna be."
"Do I have dialogue?"
"A few lines. Nothing you can't read off a cue card."
"Fine by me."

These tidbits are by far the best part of the episode, particularly when Dean tries to eat a wrap and says, "What the hell is kale?" No clever retort by Sam, he's busy reading The Fountainhead and trying to make sense of Ayn Rand's worldview.

Sam finds a police report of two torture/assaults in Topeka, with a video of Bad Charlie beating the crap out of a local district district attorney.  They interview the DA...actually, Sam exposits and Dean goes MOC on his ass, crunching his broken arm to get the name of a prosecutor.  Sam stands by and gulps.  Which is pretty much all he does for the next hour, except for reading The Fountainhead and providing exposition.

They get to the woman's house to find Bad Charlie holding a knife to a woman's throat.  Charlie says that Sam is "all good guy code and no bite."

WHAT THE FUCK?  SAM DRANK DEMON BLOOD! HE'S KILLED DOZENS OF PEOPLE!  HE WAS LUCIFER! WHO IS THIS GIANT ROBOT?

She calls Sam a "giant albatross around your neck".  When did this become a trope?


"I get to act all mean and shit!"


Aaaand there goes Sam's last attempt at dialogue.

Sam dutifully stays behind while Dean runs after Charlie. They have the tussle we've seen in the promos, then Charlie speeds off in the Impala. A moment later, a bright yellow car pulls up, and it's Charlie. "What's new, bitches?"  It's Good Charlie!

The three have a drink in a bar.  It seems that Bad Charlie resulted when the Wizard of Oz used the key of Oz to open Charlie up and let her Id go free.  Bad Charlie single-handedly won the war in Oz (oh, for cryin' out loud) blah bah Good Charlie can feel everything Bad Charlie does blah they escaped to our world blah blah key to Oz blah blah blah.  At some point Charlie says something about "we all have a dark side" or "we all have some monster in us" or "Geez, Dean, that Mark is fucking you up". That anvil broke my toes.  Dean, do us all a favor and kill both of them, okay?

Charlie shows Sam how to hack into a guy's bank account somebody drive steel nails into my brain blah blah blah Dean goes to protect guy who's going to be killed blah blah Bad Charlie shows up and convinces Dean to stand thirty feet away from the door while she goes in to "talk" her victim.  Guess what? She slams the door!  She kills the guy!  Dean's retarded!  I don't care!


Dean's thinking her butt's looking mighty fine in those pants.

Yet ANOTHER surviving Man of Letters is somewhere--wasn't there a massacre at some point?  No, I don't remember either.

Blah blah old man is alter-ego of Wizard blah blah broken key of Oz they drive out somewhere old man denies being some old man who is also the MOL/Wizard/Good Guy...old guy shoots himself so Bad Guy/Wizard of Oz has to show up.  Why hadn't this happened before, say, when the old guy cut him using a can opener?

Green light!


This is just in here because Sam looks so damn hot.

Wind blows!  Stuff shatters!  It's going to be EPIC!  THE WIZARD OF OZ IS COMING!


What...what...


You know it's bad cosplay when the headpiece is made out of cardboard

THIS is the Great And Powerful Wizard of Oz?  Some anonymous dick in an embroidered overcoat?  No magical powers?  What?


"Dude, I've got like, this really hella great Goth band--"

Blah blah Sam tied up with magical rope blah blah I have no idea what's going on and I don't give a shit blah  blah.  The only good part is that Dean runs after Bad Charlie and proceeds to beat the life out of her while she dialogues all kinds of bad-guy taunts.  We see Good Charlie writhing in pain when Dean goes MOC on Bad Charlie.  Is it sick that I really, really wanted to find some good screencaps of Dean smashing Bad Charlie's face?

Old Guy gives Good Charlie significant look and points at his gun.  In any other episode this would make the villain kick the gun out of reach, but we're running low on time here.  Good Charlie shoots Old Guy, killing the Wizard at the same time.


Crazed Dean thinks he killed Charlie.


She's still alive.  Which means she'll be back. Dang.

Good/Bad Charlie morph into Original Flavor Charlie.There's a sweet moment where Sam cradles her as she weeps.  Meanwhile Dean looks on doing what he does best, dying of guilt.



Back at the bunker, it's two days later, and the Mark has worked it's most wondrous magic of all--Dean still looks like he's had the shit pounded out of him.  Usually the Winchester's wounds insta-heal, even when Castiel isn't around to heal them.  This is honestly great.  The messed up face adds to his look of guilt, especially when he sees Charlie's equally messed-up face and broken arm.



But!  They've found a book from Tuscany that might lead to important information about the Mark!  Charlie's going to Tuscany to find out what it is!

Say again?

Shouldn't Sam be doing this?  Mad research skills Sammy?  Fighting for his brother Sammy?  But honestly, he's digging The Fountainhead and Howard Roark and the chick smashing the vase because it's beautiful and--


Don't worry, Jensen, we've got a convention in San Pedro this weekend.

Random Thoughts

Now we know what Sam's storyline is: worrying about Dean. Gulping. Standing around.  Meanwhile, Jared's thinking about his sons' college fund.  I can't think of any other explanation.

Felicia Day did a good job playing all three flavors of Charlie.  I was so disappointed when she became the "real" Charlie again, because that Charlie needs to never come back.

Next week: Dean's turned into a teenager.  Hilarity ensues, especially when teen Dean discovers the Mark is a chick magnet.

Screencaps by screencapped.net

Slicing And Dicing: Supernatural Review, S10 Ep10, "The Hunter Games"

Eugenie Ross-Leming and Brad Buckner are fabled as the writers of the worst episodes. (Black woman in dog collar, anyone?) And while this script was no great shakes, the direction of John Badham and the high-powered performances by the cast kept the episode popping along.  The visual aspects were beautifully done.

What was missing was any feeling of resolution.  Still, it was fun.

Disclaimer: My reaction was colored by the fact that I was watching with my husband, who dislikes the show.  However, he was sucked into the scenes with Crowley and his mother, laughing his head off. He wants Castiel's pimpmobile.  He enjoyed the episode, particularly Crowley and Metatron.  Since I loves me some Metatron, this was a truly special occasion.  He was easily persuaded to walk the dog after the show.  I might never recover.

The Road So Far: Kick. Ass.  These segments are always the best part of any premiere or finale, tightly edited, packed with action.  Edited to ELO's "Long Black Road," this gets the main storylines across with a brevity I wish they could manage in the episodes themselves.  Plus lots of cool beheadings and crashes and stuff.

Now: A frightened Crowley runs through the corridor of the mens room castle or whatever. His demons surround him and stab him to death. He wakes up and finds mother Rowena (Ruth Connell) standing over him solicitously. The use of premonitions and dream sequences during the openings is really starting to piss me off. Do they write these solely for the purpose of the promos??

A-Story: Dean and Sam trying to get the MOC off Dean by any means necessary.  First, Castiel brings Metatron (Curtis Armstrong) to the bunker.  It kind of gets stupider from there.

B-Story: Crowley and his mother, Rowena. She is machinating all over the place. Crowley, initially mistrustful, loses 75% of his intellect and trusts her.  I do love that she calls him "Fergus".

C-Story: Castiel and Claire. That's all you're getting out of me. She and her annoying hairdo go off into the horizon at the end.  Please, please don't come back.


"Bye, Claire. I have to get back to my true love, Dean."

My fervent hope for "The Hunter's Game" was for Dean would go crazy and slaughter Claire, thus driving a wedge between Dean and Castiel.  Alas, she lives.


The MOC could probably use some antibiotic cream the way he keeps handling it.

Dean sits on his memory-foam mattress, having flashbacks from the massacre.  Very nice intercutting between now and then.  He looks at himself in a broken mirror (symbolism!).  Then he goes to the main room to jaw with Sam and Cas.  No lore about the MOC, no nothing.  Dean is seriously fucked.

Castiel calls in some favors and an angel named Ingrid brings a hooded figure to him.  Castiel removes the hood, revealing Metatron.  Now, you might think the hood shouldn't be revealed until after Metatron is in the dungeon, so that HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE IT IS.  But that would spoil the reveal!  Jesus Christ, these writers are idiots sometimes.

Metatron, as always, brings the snark bigtime.  When he gets a look at the dungeon, he says, "Is this where you bring the kinky chicks?" Sam, who is not allowed to have any discernible personality, ignores him and chains him up.  He proceeds to grill Metatron, who is ecstatic that Dean is alive and completely out of his mind. "He's gone nuclear!" However, the Scribe of God stops laughing when Sam reveals Dean.  Who is, if you think about it, looking completely out of his mind.  In a quiet, brooding Dean kinda way. Oops.



Metatron needs a change of pants.
Once Dean is in the dungeon, Sam loses all of the good lines. Metatron says the cure starts with The First Blade.  Sam and Dean do a walk-and-talk about why this is a stupid idea, which you know they're going to do because every tv show in the known universe has a character at some point say "this is the stupidest idea we've ever had." I can't remember why Sam leaves Dean alone with Metatron, but he does, and everything goes to shit.  Metatron baits Dean, activating the Mark.  Which is a really suicidal thing to do when you're chained to a chair and Dean has an angel blade.

Does anyone remember in Season 5 when Dean punched Castiel and nearly broke his fist?  No, I don't either. Since then angels have gotten a lot more spongy.  Dean not only beats the crap out of Metatron, he slices and dices.

Sam, who has been hanging out finishing Catcher In The Rye, hears the screams.  He and Cas run to the locked door.  Instead of having spare keys, Sam tries kicking in the door.  Instead of not wasting time by watching Sam kick in the door, Cas blows it open.  Sam restrains Dean while Cas doesn't heal Metatron (buh?) but takes him back to Heaven.


"Say my name! Say my name!"


(I had to put this kid from Episode 1 back in!)


"Listen, man, there is this incredible scene in Catcher In The Rye where Holden--"
"Shut the fuck up, Sam, you know you aren't supposed to have any real dialogue."

They call Crowley and have a meeting in the rain to convince him to get the Blade.  Crowley says no. "Can't we catch a movie? Hang out?"  Hee.  Back at the men's room, Rowena casts a spell to let her spirit find her son.  There's a nice visual of the city below, but then it keeps going and going and going until I thought we were going to end up in Jakarta.

 
Rowena has an orgasm when she sees THIS:


OMG OMG OMG MINE MINE MINE MINE

Damn, that's one fine looking hunk of man.

Back in the men's room, Rowena henchman blah blah blah Crowley finds First Blade missing blah blah blah Rowena kills henchman blah blah convinces Crowley everyone is plotting against him except his dear sweet mother.  Oh, for God's sake, Crowley, you didn't get to be the King of Hell without knowing who your enemies are.  You can't see through the obvious lies your mother is spewing?  It's just...MOVING ON!


No, Crowley's not snorting cocaine.

Sam looks up from Catcher In The Rye and exposits that Cain had retired from killing for centuries, so Dean should be able to do the same thing.  This is demonstrated at the end where, instead of taking out two of Claire's buddies who are trying to kill him, he beats a park bench to death.

The closing scene is Castiel bidding farewell to Claire then running her over with his car.

Random Thoughts:

Beyond carving Metatron like an ice sculpture, was there any forward momentum?


FINALLY, Claire and her annoying hairdo acknowledged that she is looking at her dead father.

If Sam can't have any storyline, can he have good hair?  Please?  I saw some vids from the San Francisco convention and GOOD LORD THAT IS HAIR THAT IS A NATURAL WONDER SHOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING??


Next week: Stuff.  I forgot.  Sorry.

Photograph of Ruth Connell copyright Ruth Connell

Starting With This Episode: Review, Supernatural S10 E9, "The Things We Leave Behind"

After last year's mid-season finale, "Holy Terror," I was a sobbing mess. Even though there were plot holes and messiness, Gadreel killing Kevin and then leaving after telling Dean his brother was gone, OMG DEAN CRYING IT KILLED ME.

This season's mid-season finale?  Meh.  Really meh.  Written by Andrew Dabb and directed by Guy Norman Bee, "Things We Leave Behind" was a great example of being out of ideas and sloppy writing.

Even though I should know better than to take the promos seriously, I foolishly looked forward to MOC Dean making a reappearance.  One of the unpleasant effects of watching the promos is seeing the footage in context, causing both disappointment and anger.  The laughing diabolically?  Dean laughing (badly) at the Three Stooges.  Dean in a room strewn full of dead bodies?  A dream sequence.  Fuck you, Warner Brothers promo hacks.

Like last week, most of the episode did not involve the Winchesters.  Unlike last week, the A-plot was a derivative, dull, badly written rehash of any typical Law & Order: SVU but without Olivia.  I like Olivia.  Olivia would be kick-ass...sorry, my mind wandered.  When you start thinking Olivia Benson could kick the Winchesters's collective asses, that is NOT a good sign.

We start with a repeat of the opener of "Annie Alex Alexis Anne," with an angry teenager being pulled down an antiseptic hall and locked up.  Only this time it's Claire Novak, Jimmy's daughter, and instead of juvie, it's a group home.  The door opens, and Castiel enters, looking adorable.  He looked so adorable during this episode that I didn't hear how bad the dialogue was until rewatch.  Claire is righteously pissed.


"It's because of YOU that I have this ridiculous hairstyle!"

Cas wants to apologize, not realizing the humans can hold major grudges.  Claire has every right to be homicidal.  Her father is dead (answering the question of what happened to Jimmy).  Her mother ran off to "find herself," although that makes no sense given that when we last saw them, Claire and her mom were probably going to be found and tortured by demons.  I would have had an easier time with the notion that Mrs. Novak handed Claire a lunchbox, put her on her grandmother's doorstep and said "see ya!", roaring off in a car to live with a far-away Incan tribe.  That makes no sense, but neither does Castiel busting her out and them awkwardly bonding.  SHE'S LOOKING AT HER DEAD FATHER'S FACE!  SHE SHOULD BE CURLED UP IN THE FETAL POSITION, WHIMPERING!  Fuck you, Supernatural.

Meanwhile, at the bunker, Jensen Ackles is demonstrating an actor's truism: it's easy to cry, but incredibly hard to laugh.  I offer as evidence:


Doesn't it look more like someone bit down on his penis? 

He's watching the Three Stooges.  Sam joins him, giving Dean a grilled cheese sandwich.  Dean is ravenous.  He eats during the entire episode.  Usually the warning is: DEAN IS NOT EATING THAT CHEESEBURGER.  Now?  Not even kapok is safe.  Sam gives him an uneasy glance, and goes back to reading The Catcher In The Rye, which he's been meaning to get to for years.  What?  It's more interesting than what he's actually (not) doing.

Cas summons the Winchesters when Claire steals his wallet and takes off.  Claire is not an emergency.  “An emergency is a dead body or a wigged-out angel or the apocalypse, take 3.” I agree, Dean, let's blow this hot dog stand.  No?  Shit.


The reason Sam's hair is so godawful is that they hope you'll be distracted by that and not by his absence from the script.


Castiel and Claire say stuff.  Doesn't matter what.

Castiel and Claire do above-mentioned bonding, then Claire and her awful hairdo are gone with the wind.  She runs back to some dude in glasses named Randy, who manages to have not only no personality, but a degree of minus personality which is quite impressive.  He owes loan sharks, there's a kid in a Weiner Hut outfit, blah blah blah.  Bad Randy asks Claire to knock over a liquor store.



Meanwhile, in Mildly Interesting Land, Crowley talks to Rowena, his mother.  It's a lame scene. Prior to letting her out, Crowley bitches to Gerald (a demon I love, which means he's dead meat):
“She was a horrible mother. Did I tell you the time she almost traded me for three pigs? Three! I was an attractive child, I could juggle. I was worth five pigs at least.”

Once Rowena appears, however, the dialogue takes a downward turn.  She left him when he was eight!  Poor widdle Crowley.  That's the best the show could come up with?  Abandonment issues?  Gerald has a MUCH better issue with his mother--she burned him with cigarettes.  Definite points to Gerald.  Get over it, Crowley, you little pussy.  The only good moment is Rowena admitting that Crowley was conceived during a winter solstice orgy.

Another thing: why is Hell so chintzy? I'm inclined to think there have been some major budget cuts on this show, probably to pay The Flash budget.  That show looks amazing.


The grip on the set wrote this dialogue.

Gerald takes her back, then decides for no good reason to kill her.  Damn it!  Crowley asks him mother to join him.  Didn't this show used to star two brothers?


Good-bye Gerald.  You would have made a good sidekick.

Castiel and the Winchesters repair to a tiki bar.  Dean's voice is so low Jensen Ackles is going to need a larynx transplant.  They talk about fathers; Dean tells a funny anecdote about going to a club when underage and his father dragging him out.  But when I'm hoping Dean will repeat (from "Dream A Little Dream") that his father was an obsessed bastard, Dean sings his praises, joined by Sam.  Fuck you, John Winchester.

Bad Randy has been cornered by the loan-sharks, led by a stereotype in a leather jacket and gold chains.  Stereotype demands Randy pay back or else.  Bad Randy hands over Claire.  Stereotype takes Claire upstairs for the obligatory near-rape scene.  We know she won't be raped because this isn't Law & Order: SVU, which I don't even watch but I'm beginning to think I should.

She fights back, but Castiel blasts open the door and takes Claire.  Castiel, Sam and...um...Dean?  Aren't you leaving, Dean?


Sam is only thinking of his copy of Catcher In The Rye that he left in the car

The Stereotype and his gang beat up Dean.  Why isn't Sam in there?  "Holden Caulfield, you poor misunderstood kid. I get you, man."  The Stereotype doesn't realize beating the shit out of a guy who used to be a demon? Not a good idea.  Sam stops reading Catcher In The Rye when he hears the commotion inside.



Look, Dean!  Sometimes dreams DO come true!

Sam, freaked, begs Dean to tell Sam he had no choice.  No can do, says Dean's expression.

So, after slogging through the previous hour, there are two good minutes at the end.


Jeez, Jared's hands are as big as Jensen's head!

Random Thoughts:

I can't help it.  When the guys bond or reminisce, they look too old to be in this universe.  They make self-referential jokes about it. It makes me uncomfortable.

Wouldn't it have been twenty times as cool if Sam came in, jumped his brother, and restrained him the way he and Cas did last season?  Wouldn't it be cool if Sam had done...anything?  Fuck you, Jeremy Carver.

Next year: Dean goes off the deep end, Charlie re-appears, and Metatron is back!  I love Metatron.  He is such a joyous asshole.  Even if everything rapidly turns to shit, Metatron will be fun to watch.

Review, Supernatural Season 10, Episode 8, "Hibbing 911"

"Hibbing 911," written by Jenny Klein and directed by Tim Andrews, is a light, entertaining comedy involving an odd-couple of female sheriffs. Kim Rhodes and Brianna Buckmaster have real chemistry as no-bullshit Jody Mills and ray-of-sunshine Donna. 

Unfortunately, the episode also has the Winchester brothers. They are real wet blankets. Honestly, they are useless except to remind us at the end that the Mark of Cain is screwing up Dean. Not as badly as it did last season, but hey, we couldn't have more than a couple of episodes as a crazed demon, could we? I sure could have. Damn, they are boring. They might have been neutered, for all I know. (Note to self: never watch an early season episode before writing one of these.)

 Sam gets knocked out in every fight, the brothers get tied up, they do NOTHING inspired to mess up the monsters. Do they even bother with story boards, or they just xerox the same one over and over? When Sam was possessed by Gadreel, he had some pretty impressive fights, including when he and a demon crashed through a glass door, or when he was thrown into a clothes closet. Now, as I mentioned in my previous review, one punch and he's out. Come ON!! I hate to bring up early seasons, but...BAMF Sam, Research Sam, snarky to his brother Sam, angry Sam...I miss Sam.

Meanwhile, the Mark of Cain seems to have changed its power from Dean needing to kill to Dean needing to rub his arm once in a while and be kind of tense. Honestly, I don't have anything else to say about this episode.

Sheriff Jody Mills arrives at a Sheriffs' Retreat. She doesn't want to be there, in part because she's worried about leaving her former vampire daughter, Alex. One of the best running gags is Sheriff Mills arguing with Alex over the phone about not throwing a kegger in her surrogate mother's absence.

Once she gets there, she is greeted by an overpowering dose of sweetness in the form of Sheriff Donna, first seen last season in "Purge".

Donna's ex-husband, Doug, is also there.  Jody is partnered with Donna for the weekend. Jody can't get over how masochistic Donna is about her ex-husband. They sit at the bar, and Donna looks into the next room, where Doug is dancing with a pretty sheriff. Jody: “Honestly Donna, I just met the guy, but Doug seems like kind of a dick." Donna: “But he was my dick."

When Dean and Sam arrive, in their Fed suits, Jody gives Dean a hug, but saves the real juice for Sam--as who wouldn't?

"Don't mind us, we're contractually obligated to be here."
"But this episode would be so much better if you weren't!"
"Sorry, no can do."

Dean: “How’s Alex holding up?" Jody: “Awesome, already head of the cheer-leading squad." Sam: “Wow, really?" Jody: “No Sam, she smokes grass under the bleachers. But at least she’s not luring men to their deaths."

The plot: a group of vampires (who, for reasons unknown because it certainly wasn't necessary), eat all of the victims' flesh off their bones. What the fuck? Just go with it, if the people in charge don't care, why should I? Even if in the previous episode where Jody rescued Alex from her vampire family, they stuck close to the established lore?

Sam and Dean show up, Donna sees what she thinks is her boss killing someone, they all get caught and tied up in a barn...what? Oh, excuse me, I fell asleep.

Dean frees himself and goes wild on a couple of vamps, and Donna beheads the head vamp, an annoying teenager who's thousands of years old but never learned not to stop whining.

Donna has seen her sheriff friend with vamp teeth. And now needs a change of pants

"Donna, I understand.  I too once needed a change of pants."

 

Sam dutifully lets himself be knocked out by somebody smaller...again.

Meet the world's most annoying vampire

"Oh, crap, the writers think I'm Sam!"

Look! Even when he moves, that hair ain't going anywhere!

"I'm fine! The Mark of Cain isn't screwing with me at all! No, my nose isn't growing!"

"Gee, Dean, well...okay...it would be more interesting if I argued with you, but I'm busy being set decoration."

Random Thoughts

What are they doing with Sam's hair this season? It barely movies! Why don't they put him in one of these beanies he wears off-camera?

Is it me, or are Jensen and Jared barely trying anymore? They must be so tired of doing the same crap every season, even if they're not allowed to say so.


Next week: the midseason finale, wherein we are promised all sorts of awesome stuff. Yeah, right.

Big Evil Comes In Little Packages: Review, Supernatural S10, Ep7, "Girls, Girls, Girls"

This year, "Supernatural" is preceded by "The Flash," the CW's biggest hit, which has three times the budget of the older show. On my DVR, there is always the last minute or two of the Flash. While not as ludicrously funny as last year's "The Originals," it's getting old listening to the sleek eevvilll dude mutter at some creature or another.

This week's episode had many plot threads intertwining. Some let the audience know the show knows the outstanding questions that have been around for a a long time.  The foremost one being, what happens to the angel's human vessel?  Castiel has been in Jimmy Novak--tee hee, I'm twelve--for six years.  This writer has assumed that Jimmy Novak was killed the first or second time Cas was killed in Season 5.  "Like a bowl of chunky soup," as Chuck Shurley described it.  There's a lot of plot in this episode, so to try to stay with me, okay?

 
It's the Shondells - the white girl version!

"Girls, Girls, Girls", written by the estimable Robert Berens and directed by Robert Singer* is first about demons forcing human females into prostitution, and using them to lure clients into signing over their souls.  Berens is particularly adept at writing female characters.  And there are plenty of them, which is a change of pace.

And the episode asks, how fucked up is Dean right now?  Some fans complain that this season the writers don't seem to know what to do about Sam, but I strongly disagree.  In Season 3, Dean's going to hell drove the season.  Since then:

4. Sam drank demon blood; Dean was tormented about his brother 5. Sam turned into Lucifer; Dean was tormented about his brother 6. Sam came back from Hell without his soul; Dean was tormented about his brother 7. Sam went crazy; Dean was tormented about his brother 8. Sam hit a dog and had the dullest flashbacks imaginable, then went through the Three Trials and nearly died; Dean was tormented about his brother (and a flicker of PTSD from being in Purgatory) 9. Sam got possessed by an angel, then was too pissed at Dean to speak to him through much of the season; Dean was tormented about his brother and, well pretty much everything.

I grant you, there are long stretches during the last two seasons where Sam's usefulness to the story was gone and he got Castiel's job of standing around watching the exposition.  And last year he got knocked out and tied up almost every episode.  Huh? Jared Padalecki is so big that if he stood up straight in front of an opponent they'd back away, saying, "Sorry, dude, uh, I gotta--gotta--byee!"  But the guy's got a glass jaw, as they say. One punch to the chin and down he goes.

So why not have Sam being tormented about his brother?  It's a nice change.  Besides, Sam is fun, giving Dean shit as only a little brother can.

THEN:  A series of scenes throughout the series about witches and how their magic involves too many body fluids.  Tiny Crazed Marine!  Angel stuff.

NOW: A young blonde hooker is running down an alley from someone.  Her boot heel snaps off, she grabs it and keeps running.  DUN!!!  Her pimp stands before her, grinning.

 
This is actually Genevieve Padalecki in a blonde wig...don't tell anybody.

She stabs him in the eye with her boot heel.  You go, girl!!  It doesn't phase him.  He snaps her neck.  'Doh!

Sam and Dean sit in a steakhouse.  To my astonishment, Sam has a big ole steak in front of him.  Did he already eat the salad?  Is this out of character?  I'M STARTING A META!  Whoops.  Sorry.

Dean's phone is pinging away.  “Dude, you are blowing up. Who is that?”  Dean attempts to dodge the question, claiming it's “monster stuff.” Sam grabs Dean’s phone and discovers that his brother has a dating app.  There's a picture of Dean, with his real name and location.  Dean, what is wrong with you?  Don't you know that anyone can come in the bunker by now?

 
"Impala 1967..."  Thanks, Jared, I just came.

“There’s like a million messages here,” Sam says, from a woman named Shaylene.  The problems I had with this and the following scene are 1) since when has Dean had to drive any distance for nookie? 2) he's done it with plenty of hookers, and so has Sam.  Thank God you suddenly developed standards in time for the plot device, Bowlegs.  It's a fun, brotherly scene.

Meanwhile, Castiel and Hannah are holed up in the motel room.  They exposit that most of the rogue angels have been rounded up, which begs the question, now what is Cas going to do with himself?  Meanwhile, Hannah strips down and announces she's going to take a shower.



Sorry, gang, this is only gratuitous angel nudity I have to offer this go-round.


"Castiel, are you displeased that I am not Dean?"

Dean is about to do the beast with two backs with Shaylene.  But she's a prostitute.  For payment, she wants Dean's soul.  Not again, Dean groans inside.  When her pimp shows up with the paperwork, the Winchesters are waiting.  "Winchesters," he drawls.  Can they keep a straight face at the table read when an actor says this any more?  Shaylene stabs him.  Dead Pimp worked for Raul's Girls, a whorehouse.  It's forced prostitution, hookers working for souls.  Why don't they use demon hookers?  I don't know.  And where's the demon blade?  There must be a warehouse full of angel blades somewhere.

Raul, sporting a nifty eyepatch, is issuing a command to his minion to beat the shit out of a recalcitrant prostitute (like we need more proof he's scum?).  The door opens, and a small redheaded woman with Morticia Addams eye makeup, in a long black dress enters. "Is this Raul's Gels?" she asks in a thick Scottish accent...hmmmm...

 
I knew there was something fishy about that lead singer...

She's Rowena, a powerful witch who looks to be this season's Big Bad.  Damn.  I had so hoped Dean would be the Big Bad.  Maybe he can be the Medium Bad?  She's awfully tiny to be a big bad.  But wow, she's fierce.  She tosses Raul a hex bag, and he barfs up more crude oil than the Alaska pipeline. His fellow demon smokes out and the host body drops dead.  Answering the what-happens-to-the-demon-possessed side, perhaps?  She leaves with the remaining hookers, and the trio go to dinner at a fancy restaurant.  When the waiter gets snotty, she puts a spell on him.  Instantly, it's a 10-course tasting meal, on the house.  Scottish actress Ruth Connell's performance verges on drag queen.  An extremely dangerous wee drag queen.  Rowena's a flirty sociopath.

She is recruiting for a new coven.  The other two women are eager to join, even when Rowena kills the waiter for what seems to be no reason.

We might have our new Magnus!

Once Hannah is dressed, she starts to check out of the motel but is stopped by her vessel's husband, who addresses her as "Caroline."    She babbles out a lie that she left him for Cas, then gives Cas a big, wet kiss that leaves Cas shaken (and probably with a boner) and her husband devastated.  The angels split.

Sam finds the hex bag and spell on a web page that says "Bind and Purge."  There are a lot of illustrations, which makes it a little odd when Sam says only the witch who created it--Rowena--knows the spell.  It's right in front you, isn't it?

Meanwhile, a big biker demon is tied to a chair in a devil's trap, being doused with holy water by--TINY CRAZED MARINE!  Who, if anything, looks another decade older than he did in his last appearance.  Stress will do that to you.  I'm still wondering if he killed that librarian from "Reichenbach".  Collateral damage and all that.  Not much happens, but we know Tiny Crazed Marine is here and shit will get real.  Only it kinda doesn't.

Caroline, Hannah's vessel, is still in there.  When she saw her husband, she screamed at Hannah that she wanted her life back.  Hannah agrees with the original mission, that humans come first.  To that end, she leaves, and Caroline wakes up in Castiel's arms. "Castiel?" she says.  It must be noted that Hannah is a tiny little angel.  None of the huge roaring and white light that's accompanied all other angel comings and goings.  But it's a lovely image.  (How's Cas's borrowed grace going?  When are we going to see Metatron again?)

 
"It's going to be such a relief not to have a clitoris any more."

After she leaves, Castiel gets back in the pimpmobile.  He takes out his laptop and looks up Jimmy Novak. There are several pictures of different Jimmys (including one of JN as "Employee of the Year") and a picture of Jimmy with MISSING under it.  "Where's the porn?" Castiel wonders.

Rowena and her coven-ettes are lounging at a hotel when two demons show up to drag them to Crowley.  Who, in an earlier scene, is aggravated that Raul and Demon #2 opened a brother to collect souls.

Demon #2:  "Raul said, your decree last month, soul deals way down after the war with Abaddon?  He said that you were looking at proactive and out of the box strategies to get numbers back up."
Crowley: "So you and your half-wit pal threw me into the sex trade? I'm evil.  That's just tacky."  Hee.

Demons come to drag Rowena and her coven-ettes to hell, but the Winchesters show up.  Rowena puts a spell on the blonde woman that turns her into a human attack dog.  Dean runs after Rowena while Sam locks Pit Bull Blonde in a closet.  Dean catches up to Rowena and puts the gun to her head, while the other coven-ette runs away--

"Put the gun down, Deano."  It's Tiny Crazed Marine.  That line alone made me want him to die.  Dean puts down the gun, the witch scrambles out of there.

First, Dean tries to make nice with Cole, saying he's not a demon any more.  And that Cole's dad was a monster.  Doesn't work.  Dean and TCM go at it.  Honestly, Travis Aaron Wade looks ridiculous in a fighting crouch, in part because then he barely clears Jensen Ackle's belt buckle.  Lots of punching and kicking guns out of the way.  For me, the best part was this:



Tiny Crazed Marine is bested.  But Dean is the better (?) man. He hands Cole his own gun, and proceeds to give a speech.  Cole's father was a monster, which ate human livers.  Dean has never seen such a monster before or since.  That sounds incredibly lame.  I was hoping Tiny Crazed Marine would yell, "My father HATED liver," take a shot, miss, and then get knocked out.  But no, he stares at Dean with big, teary eyes, with "I wuvved dead Da-Da" as Dean goes on about how he went into the darkness and was brought back by "people who loved me." But "I'm past saving," he goes on.  Sam gives Tiny Crazed Marine--Crazed No Longer--a pep talk about family.  Staring at Dean, he says, "You family needs you. Whole."  OUCH!  Fucking anvil.  Cole gets into his Hummer and drives off.

What?  A guy spends his entire life on a quest for vengeance and gives it up because of a teary smear of self-pity and a pep talk?  WHAT?  Farewell, Tiny Crazed Marine, we barely knew ye.  He's going home to one pissed-off wife.  "Now that your quest for revenge is over, you better get a damn job!"   There's a possibility he'll be back, either because he realizes how lame that scene was, or he turns into the same never-before-seen monster his father was.

After the break, Sam asks if Dean meant that part about being "past saving."  I hope so, but I know Sam disagrees with me.

Crowley is taken to the witch, who has been tortured.  Rowena is hanging by chains, bloodied but just as nasty.  "Are you the King of Lilliput?" Crowley stares at her. She goads him,  "Cat got your tongue?" and meows.  It's great.



Crowley says, "Mother?"   AND into credits!

Next week, Sheriff Jody Mills and a new partner join Sam and Dean for "Hibbing 911."

Random Thoughts:

I loved the phone scene.  But honestly?  They both look a little old to be doing this. Marie was on to something.

Sorry I slagged off Rowena in "Soul Survivor."  She's a welcome addition.  Crowley is going to be soooo whipped.

Also sorry that Hannah is gone.  I didn't care one way or another whether or not she and Cas hooked up.  The less angel war, the more badonkadonk, the better.

*After 10 years, how do you "direct" an episode?  Is it just pointing and nodding your head by now?

Screencaps by homeofthenutty.com Gifs by spnfans.tumblr.com

Personal Post: Our trip to Europe, Days 1 & 2 - Drugs Are Not Always My Friend

So! On October 25, we traveled to Europe to be in London for our wedding anniversary, and then Paris for my birthday.  We have never been to Europe together.  Jeff's family traveled extensively, and I lived in London during my late teens/early twenties before I was deported.  Long story.  We were total tourists; had sent me two Rick Steves guides for my birthday. Jeff had one or the other with him at all times, and we weren't afraid to stand on the street going "buh?" as we found our way around.

We flew on Virgin Atlantic.  Since I despise flying, I insisted we book Premium Economy, which is worth EVERY PENNY.  Large leather seats, more legroom, everything free.  If we were drinkers we would have made out like bandits.  It's probably their equivalent to Business Class, which we've never flown.  Also individual tvs and great meals on plates with real utensils. When we boarded, we were offered free champagne, but we chose orange juice instead.  Rather than the red eye, we decided to spend Saturday traveling, leaving around 7 AM and getting in somewhere around 8. Don't ask me--I was so bombed on drugs I could have been in New Jersey.  We checked in at the Windermere Hotel on Warwick Way, south-west London near Victoria Station. The underground looked EXACTLY the way I remembered it.  The entire street was hotels!  This photograph is not mine; it shows the front of the hotel.



Our room was at the very top.  I knew European hotel rooms are tiny, so I reserved a "superior double."  Look at all of that space to luxuriate in!


The door is about a foot away, and there is a teeny shelf called a "desk".

The bathroom had a skylight!!  It felt like the height of luxury.  The one problem was that there were no bars in the shower, so Jeff had to help me in and out.  Our view was of the council housing (in New York, housing projects for the poor) outside.  I smashed into the bed while Jeff went for a walk around the hotel.


Sorry for the blurriness.  You can see the council housing behind the hotel

Jeff's pictures are much sharper; I might have to snag them off Facebook.  Anyway, you can see the council housing behind us.  We're in the tiny rooms on the top.

There was a little restaurant below ground.  Every morning they offered a "full English breakfast": eggs, ham, bacon, sausage, grilled tomato, mushrooms and baked beans.  There was also a little buffet of cereal and fruit salad.  We did mixes of the English breakfast every morning.  Except you couldn't pay me to eat the baked beans.  I ate beans on toast and spaghetti on toast constantly when I lived there.

Our first day, we arranged to meet a friend of Jeff's at a traditional restaurant called Brown's, which has locations all over the place.  We wanted the roast and Yorkshire pudding.  I should warn you now, there are no pictures of food.  We got hopelessly lost, and were extremely late. Andrew, Jeff's friend, was too damned gracious!  I kept insisting they sit next to each other, because it was so loud.  Andrew was so polite, "oh, no, no, you stay right there."

What Andrew didn't know was that I was still drunk from the drugs.  Shortly after this picture was taken, I fell asleep at the table!  Even THEN Andrew insisted I sit between them!  The food wasn't very good.  I wanted the pork roast, which they were out of, so I had chicken. Jeff said his mother made much better Yorkshire pudding. After that we ate at ethnic restaurants or suggestions from the guidebook.


Yours truly, about to faceplant into the Yorkshire pudding

I had to ask Jeff what we did for the rest of the day. He says we went to Covent Garden, which I have no memory of. We walked all day, so I was happy to smash into the bed again. As an American, I'm slightly grossed out by there being a white bottom sheet and a large white duvet with no top sheet. It was the same in both hotels. Why? Especially with the high stain risk?

Glad to finally get this posted!!!!

What Ho, Winchesters! Review, Supernatural Season 10, Episode 6, "Ask Jeeves"

Pity the episode that has to follow Number 200!  It could be "The End," and it would still be overshadowed by the massive hype and fan-love "Fan Fiction" engendered.  Written by Eric Charmelo and Nicole Snyder, directed by John MacCarthy, "Ask Jeeves" is a lightweight comic episode.  In terms of the series arc, it felt strange to have one now.  But then thank GOD Dean busted out his dark side at the end, when he emptied his gun into the MOTW.  Oops, spoiler. 


THEN:  Dean as a demon (good sign!), shapeshifters, werewolves, you name 'em, they got 'em.


 NOW:  A rich woman, Bunny Lacroix, has died.  Philip, the butler, instructs two young maids to 1) get burial clothes for Bunny 2) clean the bathrooms.  Already I know the one who cleans the toilets gets to live because the promo picture showed the detective dead in the toilet.  Young Maid #1 decides to steals Milady's pearls, but Milady shows up, large as life in Chanel, and Young Maid #1 falls off the balcony, crashes through a glass table, and dies. 

Something I've observed is that when Jared Padalecki doesn't like a script, he mugs.  Why have only one facial expression when you can have seven?  Jensen Ackles's coping mechanism is phoning it in.  He doesn't, but Jared's ceaseless facial expressions are distracting.  Dean and Sam are once again outside a fleabag motel--why are they not at the bunker?--drinking teeny cups of flavored coffee.

 
Don't you dare try to tell me this tastes like pie! 

Long story short:  Bobby has been summoned to the reading of Bunny's will.  Hoping for beer money, Sam and Dean head off to the Lacroix mansion.  There they are met by the Lacroix clan, a greedy group who can't stand each other.  I have a problem with casting a beautiful woman five years older than Jensen Ackles (Gillian Vigman) as a grotesque cougar, as is the other woman (Debra McCabe) lusting after Sam. 

 
As you can see, a woman around 40 is disgusting. Eew 

At one point Sam is on the couch, testing visitors with a silver butterknife down his cuff.  Cuddled next to one woman,"Come on in, darlin', the water's warm," he says to the other with a smile.  I don't remember much after that.  

There are some nice jokes: after Collette, the first maid, dies, Philip the butler covers up by saying she went to clown college.  For the rest of the episode she is referred to as "Clown College Collette" and it gets funnier every time.  The ladies are into Sam (as they should be).  Dean is referred to as "the cute, dumb one."  Sorry, can't remember the context! This episode is based on the board game "Clue," about which I haven't one.  

The bodies pile up, and the killer is a shapeshifter.  Bunny's daughter Olivia, masquerading as a maid.  Olivia's father was a shapeshifter with whom Bunny had an affair.

Let's pause there.  It must have been a blast to be with a guy who could be ANYONE you wanted, from John Wayne to Marilyn Monroe to Lance Armstrong.  

Bunny passed off the child as Lance's.  The original father came back to get her and was killed by Bobby.  Bunny locked Olivia in the attic for the rest of her life.  There isn't a whole lot of logic to the story, especially since the attic looks like no one had been up there in many years.  Maid outfit or no maid outfit, Olivia sucks at housecleaning.  Not knowing Bobby is dead (for now), Olivia summoned him to the will reading.

   
 The butler didn't do it.  Sam and Dean stand by and listen to the exposition. Dean is still mad about that coffee.

For those who drool over Sam Winchester, my main memories are the many times he got to show himself off like the man-cake he is.  When he and Olivia are circling around the kitchen with guns, I was more distracted by the lovely sheen of sweat at the base of Sam's neck then the tension.  His hair was short but oh-so-fluffy.

   
 "Sorry, dude, but all the screencaps Elisa found are of me.  Can you blame her?" "Bitch."  

Dean gets the drop on Olivia and shoots her.  And shoots her. And shoots her and shoots her and shoots her and shoots her.  He is lit in close-up with his eyes hidden in shadow, making them look black.  

When it's time to leave, he almost punches out the one decent person there, a guy named Dash.  Sam looks concerned--now it's HIS turn--and asks Dean why did he empty an entire clip into the maid?  Dean blows him off with the kind of dangerous tone he used last season when he announced, "this is a dictatorship".  Then he leans over and cranks the music good and loud. That had me fist-pumping and yelling, "Now that's what I'm talking about!" at my cat.  My cat didn't give a crap. 

So that's it. I don't have much to say because...what can I say?  It was an entertaining hour, and one that I doubt I'll rewatch. 

Next week: "Girls, Girls, Girls".  Dean gets a dating app!  Crazed horny witches!  Crowley's--uh, oh, almost spoiled you there.  By one of my fave writers, Robert Berens. 

 RANDOM THOUGHTS 

Does anyone actually use the word WASP any more? 

Did anyone else think the glass all over the floor around the maid looked fake?